I am over the moon to announce that, since my last chapter was posted, LtF has won a Sunflower Award for Best Carlisle, and also the Energize Award for Most Promising Slash fiction WIP. Thank you to every one of you who made this possible for me.
And now, an apology. As my FB friends and pre readers will testify, I lost the completed version of this chapter a week ago when my computer crashed. I was unable to recover it, and recreating it took me a while.
Thanks to my beta mxpi1970 and my pre reader Jasper1863Hale.
As always, all characters created and owned by Stephenie Meyer.
~xxXxx~
CHAPTER 20
EPOV
I lay in bed, Carlisle sleeping peacefully beside me.
The cottage was amazing.
Picturesque views across the Sound... the log fire which we lit when the evening grew chilly... luxurious rooms... the secluded, private balcony overlooked only by the birds... the hot tub...
Yep, the cottage was amazing.
But the man lying next to me was beyond words.
~xxXxx~
I had been unsure and embarrassed at the thought of watching myself on the screen. Carlisle’s sneaky distraction tactics had worked, just as he’d known they would, and I was willing to agree to almost anything by that point if it meant making him happy.
What I hadn’t expected was to be so turned on by the sight of us together, slaves to lust, our bodies moving fluidly with no end and no beginning.
I smiled as I gazed at him now, his face turned toward me in slumber, his head almost on my pillow. My fingers twitched, aching to wake him just so I could see those eyes smiling up at me once again.
After our assignation on the rug, we had lain talking; our hands never stilled in their idle caresses, the conversation punctuated by leisurely kisses that grew more urgent as the evening wore on. Carlisle’s devilish whisper and warm breath in my ear caused a strong reaction in my groin.
“Let’s go test drive the hot tub...” His eyes were full of fire in the light of the setting sun that poured through the ocean view window.
I groaned my approval, and together we made our way to the beautiful bathroom and the spacious tub that awaited us.
The hot, bubbling water felt wonderful, and it was the most natural thing in the world for us to sink into each other’s arms, the water holding us in its comforting embrace. Lips toyed, teased, and tortured, before melding into a deep kiss that had me pinned against the side of the tub and gasping for air. Despite this, I was only prepared to disengage my lips for the briefest second before reclaiming his mouth once again with a loud shameless moan. His body pressed tightly to mine, instigating a delicious game of frottage beneath the bubbles. I slid a hand between our slippery bodies and grasped us both, pumping experimentally. The feel of our hard flesh sliding together made me shudder, and Carlisle’s groan filled my mouth in sweet response.
Our bodies rocked in tandem, both cocks hardening still further in my firm grip. With effort, I forced my hand to let go, unwilling to come right there in the tub. Carlisle’s head fell into my neck, his breathing uneven as he fought for control. Sweat ran down his neck, his hair plastered to his head from the steam; I nipped at his pulse point to get his attention. When his head lifted, the desire in his hooded eyes made me weak and I knew exactly what was needed.
“Jump up and sit on the side, love.”
I quirked my eyebrow as I spoke and he wasted no time in complying. Bracing a foot on the step, he climbed out and sat on the edge, looking at me for further instruction. Reaching for him, I indicated he should scoot forward and get comfortable; his foot found the step again for balance, and I moved between his spread thighs, my splayed fingers resting reverently on the smooth, wet muscles.
I leaned in and took the swollen head in between my lips, applying just the slightest amount of suction. I heard his moaning sigh as his over stimulated cock finally got the attention it craved. Letting it pop from my lips, I looked up at him under my hair as I licked him from base to tip in one swift motion before circling around the sensitive underside, creating a circle of fire around the darkened tip. His thigh muscles tensed each time the tip of my tongue fluttered against the delicate flesh, his cock waving unrestrained before me.
I sank down on him with no warning and he fell back, his hands supporting his weight as I took him deep, swallowing hard to accept his length. His hips managed a limited movement, bucking up into my mouth, sliding into my throat. I maintained my position and let me him fuck my mouth as deeply as he could, gagging when he lost his rhythm and took me by surprise. I tugged gently on his balls and felt the vibration of his groan go through me; his back arched, his hips stilled, and then, with an almost despairing cry, he emptied himself into my mouth, streams of come pumping down my well used throat.
My smile grew wider at the memory of that afternoon.
By the time we were through, I had fucked Carlisle on the floor of the steam room, conducting his screams of pleasure like a maestro as he came, for the third time that day, under my direction. Afterward, I had massaged the kinks out of his aching shoulders while he drowsed on a heap of warm, fluffy towels.
Leaving the idyllic cottage was a wrench, but coming home to our own house made it all real.
This was us now; no one could ruin it.
~xxXxx~
Esme’s POV
I thought about Carlisle and Edward often over the next couple of days. Their predicament with Elizabeth ran though my mind on and off, and I hoped I hadn’t caused her any offence at the party by showing her what I had.
The day after the party was Edward’s actual birthday, and Lauren was more morose than usual. I wondered if she had expected them to be together again by now; maybe they had made plans for this day before recent events had changed everything. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get anything useful out of her and I was on the brink of giving up trying. As it was, she barely spoke during dinner, dragging herself off to bed soon afterward.
And so it began. I knew the pattern well by now.
First the crying, sobs that tore at my heart, night after night.
Then the silence as she finally slept the sleep of the exhausted.
Then came the nightmares.
Every night the same, testing my endurance to its very limits.
Only this time there was a change – one I could never have foreseen.
The night started out the same way. I could hear her crying, the wrenching sobs muffled by her pillow as her heart broke all over again. After an hour or so, the sounds faded until finally she slept, a thin, broken sleep that never seemed to restore her energy levels to any degree. Dragging myself upstairs, I readied myself for bed, mentally preparing for the wakeup call that would come in a few hours’ time.
I woke to the familiar sound of Lauren’s cries. Her mumbled words were usually indistinct and muddled, but always with the same underlying emotional trauma. She would inevitably then wake herself up.
This morning however, the words were clearer; panicked pleas of ‘It’s your fault’, and ‘not meant to happen’ were repeated over and over. Dragging on my robe, I felt my pulse race as her cries grew louder and more distinct, fear spiking my system as I stumbled down the hallway to her room to comfort her.
When the words abruptly stopped, the silence was infinitely worse.
I threw open the door, not at all prepared for what I saw. My mind reeled when I saw my daughter sitting up in bed, staring forward, completely devoid of expression, all her familiar fight and energy absent. I knelt on the bed before her, but there was no acknowledgement of my presence, not so much as a flicker in her eyes. Her face was white as paper, a slight sheen of sweat on her forehead from her nightmare. Her hands were cold and I grasped them to warm them up, turning my head to check the clock. Seeing it was a little before 8.00am, I left her for a moment and ran downstairs for the phone to call Carlisle. When he answered, I could hear the happiness and laughter in his voice and knew I was about to rob him of that joy with just three words.
“Carlisle, come quickly...”
~xxXxx~
He and Edward arrived shortly after, and I took them to her immediately. Carlisle’s face was tense.
“Esme, what happened?”
He took her pulse while he spoke, before checking her eyes for a reaction. I barely heard him, as I watched Lauren intently for signs of awakening.
“Esme! Talk to me!”
“She... ” I breathed in, my chest tight with fear, “she had another nightmare. But this was different from the others. She... she – “
“What? Esme, please...”
“She said things, Carlisle. I think our little girl is having some serious problems; I’ve tried to make her talk to me but she just won’t open up...”
I could feel my breathing quicken and I fought to calm myself as I went on to explain what I had heard.
“She kept repeating things, saying it wasn’t meant to happen. Something’s very wrong, Carlisle. I’ve tried to get her to talk to me, I’ve tried, but she pulled away from me. Especially since Edward’s accident...”
My gaze fell on Edward, standing awkwardly just inside the door, and I saw him flinch. I reached out to him reassuringly.
“No, Edward, no. It’s not your fault. She’s just been very lost since you and Carlisle found each other. Believe me, I had no idea it was building up to this. Whatever ‘this’ is.”
Carlisle was looking closely at Lauren for any sign of lucidity, but there was no flicker of recognition in her unseeing eyes. My throat was dry, my voice scratchy.
“What is it, Carlisle? Why is she like this?”
I saw his jaw tighten and knew he was trying to be strong, hiding his concern behind his professional demeanour, but he couldn’t fool me.
“It looks like she’s in a catatonic stupor. Something has triggered it, her nightmare most probably. When she comes round we need to have a talk. Right now, we need to get her to the hospital.”
He reached around and picked her up, placing her arm around his neck, as he carried her downstairs to his car. I followed numbly with Edward close behind. I climbed into the back of the Mercedes, and Carlisle gently placed her on the seat next to me. In silence, we drove to the ER, my little girl’s head in my lap, my hands smoothing her hair back from her face.
The emergency room was manic, but Carlisle assumed control, arranging for us all to go straight through to an empty side room. Doug was waiting with a shot of Lorazepam which he quickly administered. Then all we could do was wait for it to take effect. I sat by the bed, holding Lauren’s hand as Carlisle and Doug had a quiet conversation. Edward stood near the window, uncomfortable and ill at ease with no role or function to fulfil in this situation. My head shot up when I heard Doug say the words ‘psychiatric evaluation.’ Panic bubbled up in my chest, my heart racing with fear for my little girl. I squeezed her fingers, silently praying for a response.
I had failed her.
I had known she was in some kind of trouble; telling her father she was pregnant had been a desperate act which had backfired, and yet I couldn’t wrap my head around her reasons for saying something like that, especially as she retracted the statement immediately when challenged. All I could get out of her was ‘My life is over’.
Losing Edward had messed with her head - that much was undeniable. I had hoped she would come to accept it, to move on and eventually accept the relationship that Edward had with her father. I realised now that this was too much to ask of her in her current emotional state. She was still a child in so many ways, trying to come to terms with life as an adult. In the last few days she had withdrawn even further, becoming surly and sullen, her face taking on almost a grey pallor. She needed medical assistance, that much was clear, but it couldn’t happen until she agreed. She wouldn’t even agree to see her father, and now the decision had been taken out of her hands, but not in the way any of us would have hoped for.
Darling girl – what aren’t you telling me?
It was several minutes before I felt her fingers return the squeeze; her eyelids fluttered, the light returning to her eyes as if the power had been restored.
“Mom? Where am I?”
I held in my tears of relief, knowing that I needed to be strong, that we were not out of the woods yet.
“You’re in hospital, sweetheart. You were having a nightmare and you lost consciousness for a little while. Dr Anders gave you a shot to wake you up – Daddy’s just talking with him now.”
She looked around to find him and saw Edward standing across the room, his face betraying his anxiety. I was disturbed by her reaction to him, expecting her to be happy he was there. Instead she seemed uneasy, as if his presence was unwelcome.
“Sweetheart, what is it? Daddy won’t be mad, he’s so worried – we both are. I just wish you’d tell us what the matter is. It will take time to come to terms with his relationship with Edward. It was a huge shock to us both, and they appreciate that.”
I looked to Edward then, silently begging him to understand. I was alarmed when she paled still further and I called to Carlisle, fearful that she was about to lapse back into her former state. Her eyes were vacant; the hopelessness residing therein hurt my heart like a blade.
~xxXxx~
EPOV
I could almost see the fear hovering like a dark mist around Esme as Lauren sank back into the pillows. Carlisle turned and beckoned to Esme, and after reassuring Lauren she would be straight back, she walked over to where he stood with Dr Anders, the pair looking grave.
Dr Anders spoke.
“Mrs Fitch, your daughter has suffered a catatonic episode. The shot has had the desired effect and she now appears lucid. However, it is my firm belief that after this new development and the recent accusations she made in this hospital regarding her father, that Lauren be seen by a professional. I want her assessed before she is allowed to leave here. We need to identify the root cause of her breakdown before we can identify the best treatment for her. Has she exhibited any schizophrenic symptoms?”
He looked from Esme to Carlisle, and I saw her look back at them both helplessly, close to tears. Carlisle put his arm around her shoulders for support and she leaned on him gratefully.
I felt as if I were intruding. They were a family and I shouldn’t be there; they needed to take care of this, help Lauren as only parents could. I felt that my presence was only making Lauren more uncomfortable and might hinder her recovery, so I decided to leave them alone and head off to the cafeteria for a coffee. Stepping forward, I hovered until the doctor walked away.
Seeing me for the first time, he stopped.
“Mr Masen! How’s the head?” He squinted for a second as he looked me over. “The wound has healed well and the bruising has all but gone. Have you had any more pain?”
I shook my head.
“Good, good.” With a nod, he continued on out of the room.
I touched Esme’s arm and she turned in surprise. I felt a little awkward, finding the words stuck in my throat. I tried not to meet Carlisle’s worried eyes.
“I think you guys need some time. I’ll go get a coffee and come back in a bit.”
She frowned; the worried crease across her forehead looked as if it was starting to belong. Her whole demeanour was one of utter weariness. The last few weeks had been hard on Esme, and I felt guilty for my part in her pain. Her warm hand rested on my arm, her wan face still finding a smile for me. I felt undeserving of it.
“No, Edward, please stay; I think we all need to hear what she has to say for herself. It’s time Lauren told us what is going on, and I’m sure it will concern you to some degree. We’re all adults and we’ll deal with whatever it is. So stay? Please?”
I looked to Carlisle finally, uncertainty making me nervous, acutely aware of Lauren’s presence and the animosity she harboured toward me. Leaning into me, his hand rested on my shoulder, his voice low.
“If you want to get a coffee or some air, I have no problem with that. But Esme is right,” he smiled at her then, “you are family, and part of all this. We tackle it together and play it by ear. Unless Lauren insists that you leave, know that we want you here. I want you here, my love.”
Pulling back, he held my gaze steadily, waiting. I nodded then, knowing they were stressed enough without my adding to it. If I could support them then I would.
Esme turned and walked back to Lauren. Taking her hand, she appealed to her one last time.
“What happened, sweetheart? Tell us, please. Enough now; everyone is so worried about you. We love you so much. Talk to us.”
Lauren’s eyes flicked from her mom to her dad, then to me as I hung back across the small room, standing close enough to Carlisle for support without being in physical contact. I had no intention of antagonising her by appearing to be in direct competition for her father’s attention.
Esme’s voice was soothing as she continued to reason with her.
“Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it. These nightmares – they’ve been getting more frequent. You’ve been screaming in the night and I’ve heard you crying yourself to sleep. I’m your mom – you can tell me anything.” Her voice wobbled on the last syllable, her stoicism cracking as she struggled to remain calm.
Lauren looked trapped, and I knew that she would clam up if pushed too hard. I quickly made a decision. Approaching her bedside, I ignored her gasp of surprise, covered quickly by a scowl. I flicked my eyes to Esme’s for permission before continuing.
“Lauren? Tell me. If this is my fault, tell me. Shout at me. Don’t blame your dad. Let’s end this once and for all. What I did was wrong, I know that, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, and I should have said that sooner, but so much has happened over the past weeks. I can’t pretend to understand how bad I’ve made you feel. I take full responsibility for everything.”
I held her hostile gaze, trying to force her to come clean. I could take it, whatever she wanted to throw at me. I just wanted this over for all our sakes; the stress was eating into her parents like battery acid. Carlisle and I could never be totally happy until this was resolved. I had started it – it was down to me to try and fix it.
When she didn’t speak, I carried on.
“Only a few days ago you tried to tell me that you were having my baby. I lost my memory in that accident, and for some reason you saw it as an opportunity to take advantage, to manipulate me into believing we had been together and that I was going to be a father. Did you secretly want a baby, Lauren?”
Her shocked face gave me my answer.
“This was never what I wanted! I never wanted a baby, I just wanted you! This is all your fault! If you hadn’t remembered...”
She stopped suddenly, her eyes darting around the room, looking at anything but me.
“If I hadn’t remembered you would have what? Pretended to be pregnant for a while until you conveniently ‘lost’ it?” My voice was cruel as reality hit hard. “And of course, made sure my relationship with your father was dead in the water at the same time.”
“No! No, it wasn’t like that!”
“Lauren, if you love your dad, then why put him through this pain? Both he and your mom adore you; it’s me you hate, me you want to hurt. So do it – say whatever it is you want to say and just let it out. Stop punishing your parents.”
She was frowning, her brow crumpled like her mother’s, her eyes clenched shut. I noticed her hands had curled into fists on the bed covers as if she were about to have a tantrum. When her eyes opened, I read in them her desperate need for me to understand.
“You don’t get it, do you? I love you! You know that! When you told me about you and dad, I knew it was only because I had refused you, that I wouldn’t give you what you wanted.”
I was aghast. After everything that had happened, everything she had put us through, she still didn’t believe I was in love with him.
“No, Lauren, no, it wasn’t like that at all. We talked about this, remember? I told you that we can’t control who we fall in love with.”
She was shaking her head, confusion distorting her pretty features.
“Lauren, you do remember that, don’t you? When we talked in my car?”
I looked worriedly at Carlisle then, noting the tension in his features, the bleakness in his eyes at the memory of that day.
“Of course I remember! I told you it was a phase and that if I gave you what you wanted then you wouldn’t need dad anymore.”
Her voice became soft, almost dreamy.
“Everything was okay when you were there. I could cope, I could handle it. It didn’t matter what the girls were saying about me, or that my grades had slumped, because you were there to support me. They couldn’t hurt me while I had you... I was safe. You kept me safe.”
She was staring at the covers, watching her own hands clench and relax as she spoke.
“I could hold it all together when I had you. Then you met dad, and now he loves you more than me. Everything I had is gone, all gone. I’m going to fail my exams and have to repeat; I don’t know what to do...nothing makes sense anymore.”
Her face clouded suddenly, tears pooling, as she looked up at me, her voice distraught.
“My period’s really late and I’ve been feeling really sick. I’m scared, Edward.”
I spoke gently, mindful of her fragile state.
“You can’t be pregnant, Lauren. You’re a virgin.” I was alarmed when her head shook jerkily from side to side as if trying to dislodge a bad thought. She banged her fist down on the bed, growing ever more agitated.
“But when we were at Angela’s party...” She looked confused, her mind struggling to piece everything together in the right order.
Now we’re getting somewhere.
“That wasn’t me, Lauren, I wasn’t there with you. Tell me about Angela’s party - who were you there with?”
She started to mumble incoherently to herself, and I was disturbed by this sudden change.
“It’s your fault, you made me do it.”
“Made you do what?”
Her brow creased in confused agitation as if this was news to her. She was shaking her head wildly.
“But it was you! It had to have been you! I wouldn’t have with anyone else.”
Against my better judgement, I looked at Carlisle then; his eyes were fathomless. Esme was gripping his hand, her face etched with worry, her eyes pinched. Neither spoke as Lauren finally spilled the thoughts that had haunted her for weeks.
She started to sob, loud choking breaths that had Esme holding her tightly whilst she sobbed as though her heart would break. It was then I saw Lauren’s eyes widen, as if the veil had been lifted. Her breathing escalated, a full on panic attack threatening to take hold of her; she struggled to breathe until she was finally able to give voice to the words her subconscious had locked away.
“I wanted to believe it was you - I thought I could win you back! I remember hearing you saying it was all going to be okay... but I couldn’t have, because you weren’t there. It wasn’t you. It wasn’t you. It wasn’t you.”
I watched Esme rock her like only a mother could, smoothing her damp hair away from her face. Lauren’s whole body shook, racked with sobs as she finally admitted the truth to herself.
“I remember now; he was just some random boy at the party. I just wanted to get back at Edward for dumping me! What am I going to do, mom? I’m going to have a baby...”
~xxXxx~
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