Summary: Rejected by the world around
them, they lead lonely, isolated lives, focusing solely on basic survival. All
it takes is one single act of kindness to open the door to their new
tomorrow... together.
Pairing: Jasper/Edward
Written as part of a picture prompt competition
for the Slash Writers’ Workshop.
Rated M for physical abuse and slash
content.
Disclaimer: All characters owned and
created by Stephenie Meyer.
~o.O.o~
Jasper’s POV
Standing on
my regular spot, I waited for the anticipated afternoon rush.
Things were a
little slow, and I paced back and forth to burn off excess nervous energy. Even
after all this time, I still waited with trepidation for what might drive
around the corner looking for me.
Gazing down
the street, my eyes caught a tall boy in an oversized and shabby coat,
rummaging in a trash can for a discarded carton that still held a few fries.
Watching him, and the way he wolfed down the stale, cold fries, I could sense
the desperation rolling off of him like a choking, oily cloud. Against my
better judgement I tried to attract his attention, but the lad was easily
spooked and ran off.
I didn’t have
too much time to think about the boy as a customer pulled up shortly afterward;
for the next half hour I was too busy servicing the man in his car.
Back at my
spot, my mind reflected on the dishevelled lad I had seen earlier. I wondered
if he was okay, and if he had somewhere safe to sleep that night. I didn’t kid
myself – I knew the probability was low. Calling it a day, I made sure my money
was safe in my pocket. I was fortunate that I had reasonably good looks and a
lithe body that attracted regular, well paying customers. I kept myself clean
in every way, using the clinic for check-ups and condoms. My place was a small
room with the luxury of lights, a small heater and running cold water. I knew
my life couldn’t go on forever like this, but I was caught in a loop, unable to
find the escape window. Every day I would go to my spot, display my body to the
passersby who used this street for no other purpose, and I did whatever they
asked of me for a set fee.
I was living
hand to mouth and I knew it. The money I earned each day went towards the
weekly rent. With what little I could scrape together after that, I would go to
the market daily and buy the reduced food about to be discarded. I ate
reasonably well, depending on my day’s takings.
That night,
as I lay in bed wrapped in blankets, I thought about the boy and hoped he was
safe.
~o.O.o~
The next day I
saw him again. He was closer this time and I saw the gaunt cheekbones, the
haunted look in his eyes. It was the face of someone who had given up all hope
of ever understanding why society had abandoned him.
I called out
again, raising my hand tentatively in greeting. He looked at me and then all
around to be sure. I beckoned him over and watched as he approached warily, apprehensive
of the stranger calling to him. I understood that innate suspicion – life on
the streets did nothing for a person’s trust. When he was within earshot, I
called out to him.
“Are you
hungry? If you meet me here in an hour, it’s when I go to the market. We can
get some food.”
He looked
nervous, but the promise of food appeared to switch on a light in his eyes that
he couldn’t disguise. The boy’s voice was rough, as if he hadn’t used it in a
while.
“You’re not
some weirdo, are you?” His eyes were constantly on the move, darting along the
sidewalk to see if anyone else was around.
I held up my
hands in a peace gesture.
“I’m no weirdo,
just concerned. I’ve seen you around and wanted to help. It’s no bother if you
aren’t interested. Just asking, that’s all.”
I watched him
hesitate, seeing the internal war going on between his hunger and sense of self
preservation.
“What would I
have to do in exchange? I couldn’t do what you do.”
I shook my
head.
“I do what I
have to do to survive. I have a room near here, it pays for that. What about
you? Where do you stay?”
He shrugged
narrow shoulders swamped by a too-big coat.
“I was
sleeping in an alley, not too far from here. Not many people use it so it’s
okay; I mostly got left alone.”
“Mostly?”
His eyes
widened at a memory he clearly didn’t wish to relive.
“It was only
once, and they didn’t come back.”
“What? Who?”
But he
wouldn’t be drawn any further. The jittery, flighty stance he had adopted
worried me. It started to rain, the sky darkening ominously. I reached behind a
low wall and retrieved my coat, shrugging it on gratefully. It was getting too
cold to be out here in just a thin shirt, but I got better customers if my body
was displayed. Customers didn’t care if I was shivering, as long as I looked
enthusiastic. I had learned early on that my comfort and warmth didn’t attract trade.
“I won’t get
any more business in this rain. Come on, let’s go get warm. Then we can go to
the market. You have to time it right to get the max amount of food for your
dollar.”
I looked at him
closely.
“When did you
last eat? More than a few fries, I mean.” He swallowed.
“A few days
ago; someone threw away nearly a whole burger in the trash. I fished it out.”
I felt for
him. I’d been there and I knew his stomach was gnawing at him; he was most
likely dizzy and dehydrated too. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out a
battered apple and some water in a plastic bottle. Holding them out to him with
a nod, he approached me like a skittish horse, fearful of trickery. When he saw
I wasn’t going anywhere, he took them and ate the apple in five bites, chasing
it down with the water.
“Better?”
He nodded.
“Come on. We
can get you a drink then we can eat.”
I fastened my
coat against the fat raindrops and headed back to the small room I called home.
When I looked
back, he was following me.
~o.O.o~
He took in
the room, my bed, chair and tiny bath where I washed my clothes as well as
myself. It was clean and tidy, not a difficult feat as I had no real belongings
as such other than a few clothes and a couple of pans and plates. The room had
a single hotplate that served both as cooker and somewhere to boil water for
washing and bathing.
“Sit yourself
down.” I indicated the bed and the small chair in the corner. “It’s not much,
but its home.” I noticed his hands were clenching, probably from the cold. “There
is a small electric fire, but it’s expensive to use; I mostly just wrap up in
layers and blankets when it’s cold. I need all my spare money to eat. Heating
is a luxury.”
He nodded
mutely. I fetched him some water and he drank it straight down. I wondered if
he’d been drinking river water as it would have most likely made him sick. I’d
drunk out of hosepipes and supped rainwater out of trash can lids in my time –
whatever it took. Sitting down across from him, I could see he was a major
flight risk and kept my distance.
“I’m Jasper,
by the way. Although to my customers I’m just Blondie. What’s your name?”
I saw his jaw
tighten and his hand clench on the mug he still held, his nails whitening.
“You don’t
have to tell me, it’s okay. I could give you a new name if you’d like. Hmmm,
you look like a Red to me, especially with that hair.”
His voice was
nervous, but firm in his conviction.
“Edward. My
name is Edward.”
“Pleased to
meet you, Edward; are you warm enough? I have blankets and fresh clothes if you
need them. We’re about the same size, I think.”
He shook his
head firmly, and I didn’t press the issue. I would have to hope that he would
ask if he needed anything. Now that my business was over for the day, I
shrugged off my coat and added a thick sweater before replacing the jacket. Now
I could be warm, my body hidden away from greedy eyes. Not sure what else to do
with the fidgety boy in front of me, I made a decision. I reached under the
mattress and retrieved the few dollars I had stashed there, adding them to the
day’s takings.
“We should go
and get some food. I’ve borrowed a little extra from the rent money, but I’ve
got a couple more days before it’s due so that’s okay. You hungry?”
Knowing the
answer, I headed for the door, a twitchy Edward following me. I took the
familiar route to the market on my daily pilgrimage to find cheap food to fill
my aching belly. I mostly ate just once a day as takings weren’t enough for me
to be frivolous with money. The apple I had given Edward had been a snack I’d
planned to eat on the way to help curb my appetite when choosing my meal. The
hungrier I was, the more I wanted to buy, not ideal when the few dollars in my
pocket had to last. If the bad weather set in, I might not eat for a couple of
days or more, surviving only on tap water.
I had a
system. A couple of the sellers saved me bruised fruit to buy for a few cents
and so I always went there first – that way I at least had something fresh. My
cooking facilities weren’t great and so I could only make soups and stews in a
pan, heat up tinned food, or fry stuff. No way could I make a balanced meal
easily on my hot plate. I checked in with Tony first and collected some more
damaged apples along with some wilted leafy vegetables and carrots, all on
their last legs. I was hopeful that I might find some cheap meat, maybe a little
chicken, but no luck. Then I spotted a small bag of off-cuts on the butcher
counter, barely enough for a cat much less two grown guys, but I grabbed it as
if it were gold. It would do for tonight. Edward watched me curiously, keeping
his distance, but not too far away. The last item on my shopping list for
tonight was bread, and I found a bashed up loaf that looked like it had been
stepped on. Most might refuse it, but it was in a sealed bag and so I wasn’t
about to complain. Holding my haul, I turned to Edward.
“Looks like
we’ll eat well tonight. Come on – let’s go back and get cooking.”
The smallest
smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. I realised in that moment that, given
the chance, he’d have probably eaten most of it raw where he stood. He barely
spoke on the way back, but his step was a little lighter as if the promise of
food was all that propelled him forward.
Opening the
door, he followed me in and I elbowed the door shut behind us, dumping the bags
on the floor. Taking my only sharp knife, I prepared the vegetables while the
water boiled. I had planned to make a stew, but Edward looked close to fainting
if he didn’t eat soon. I opted instead to boil the vegetables and pan fry the
meat; it would be a little tough, but would be ready much quicker. I wondered
what he would do once he had eaten... it was a little like inviting in a stray
cat. If you did, it tended to bolt straight after eating, but turn up again at
mealtimes every day after that. He looked like he needed a good bath, and I
decided to ask if he wanted to stay the night so I could wash his clothes for
him. They would dry over the heater.
The food
smelled good and I swore I could see Edward salivating at the aroma. I wondered
why I felt so protective over him. He would probably eat my food and go,
leaving nothing but an empty plate and a warm spot on the chair. I smiled. That
cat analogy was starting to look very true.
Serving the
food haphazardly onto my chipped plates, I knew I’d never be a cordon bleu chef
but it was good and nutritious. I thought for a moment that he might eat with
his hands, but I handed him the fork and he took it, poised to dig in before
looking at me with wide eyes.
“Thank you,
Jasper. No one’s been this kind to me in forever.”
I felt small.
It was just a plate of past its best vegetables and meat scraps, but he was
eating it like it came from a five star restaurant. He actually moaned as he
ate, and when our eyes met he looked embarrassed.
“I’m sorry;
it’s just that hot food tastes so good after dumpster fare.”
I took that
as a compliment. It wasn’t my finest work but it was okay, and my stomach felt
far better filled. Taking his empty plate, I offered him an apple and the
rinsed knife to cut away any bruised parts. He shook his head, and I raised my
eyebrows.
“I won’t eat
all your food. You’ve been generous enough.”
He was so
polite; I was amazed that street life hadn’t pounded that out of him. Putting
some more water on to boil, I asked him the bigger question.
“Edward, if I
boil some more water, would you like a bath? I can put the heater on for a bit
so it’s not too cold to get undressed.”
He looked
nervous, embarrassed and mortified all at once. I backtracked hastily.
“It’s okay if
not. I just thought it would be nicer than the river, if that’s where you’ve
been washing.”
He reddened,
and I realised I’d guessed right.
“There’s
nowhere to go, and I can’t wash properly as people would see. I go for a swim
and that has to do.”
The memory of
doing the exact same thing made me remember how cold that water was. He must
have been chilled to the bone.
“So, if I
boil the water, do you want one? It takes a while to boil enough and it won’t
be that deep, but it’ll do the job and won’t give you hypothermia.”
He nodded
once and I set to washing out the large pan from supper to reuse.
I had rigged
up a makeshift curtain for bathing, and when there was enough warm water in the
bath I slid the curtain around and motioned to Edward to go behind it, pointing
to the razor, toothpaste, bar of soap and cheap, unbranded shampoo. He looked
at me then, his eyes so pathetically grateful that I felt unaccustomed tears
prickle, quickly moving away to give him some privacy. I heard clothes being
unfastened, the thump of his coat and boots, the jangle of a belt buckle
followed by the soft splash as he sat down and started to wash.
When he
spoke, he surprised me.
“How did you
end up here, Jasper? Working the streets I mean? I’m sorry if I’m being rude,
you don’t have to explain.”
He seemed
braver when out of sight, obviously used to hiding from the world. I felt my
heart go out to him.
“When my
family threw me out at 17, I had nothing. I slept rough like you, eating trash
and bathing in the river. Then one day as I was wandering aimlessly, just
looking for something worth eating, this guy pulled up next to me and basically
straight out offered me ten bucks if I blew him. I don’t know how he knew
because I still looked reasonably tidy, wore decent shoes, and had some
semblance of a hairstyle.”
I ran my
hands through my hair ruefully. It was getting long again – I’d have to cut it.
I carried on.
“Maybe he
could spot desperation, maybe he just liked young guys and thought he’d chance
his arm. Either way, I was starving and did as he asked. I was terrified he’d
kill me, or at least drive off without paying, but as he handed me the cash he
asked if he could use me again. I remember those words: ‘use me’. I said yeah,
I’m always around here, and he nodded and drove off. It was then I decided I
would use them instead, and make what
I could out of the situation. It’s been two and a half years now.”
Edward was
quiet for a while; just when I was worried he’d fallen asleep, he finally spoke,
the words uttered so quietly, yet powerful enough to shatter my heart.
“The guys in
the alley used me too. All of them, one at a time to begin with, but two together
at the end.” I heard him breathe in sharply as if the words cut his lungs. “It hurt
so bad, and I was in pain for days. I-I had to stuff my underwear with paper to
stop the blood soaking into my jeans.”
My throat
ached as I tried to imagine this sweet, innocent boy dealing with such trauma
all alone.
“They gang raped you? Oh my god, Edward, did
anyone see? Did anyone come to help?”
His laugh was
sharp as broken glass and tore at my soul.
“No-one cares
when you’re down and out, do they? Probably thought I deserved it. I went to
the free clinic, nearly ran away too, but the doc there fixed me up and I
stayed there for a couple of days. They didn’t say anything, but I know they
thought I was a hustler who just went with the wrong john. No one called the
police, and I had no proof. Who was going to believe me? That’s when I stopped
sleeping in the alley.”
“When was
this?” My voice came from far away.
“Few weeks
ago; I lost track. I’m all healed up now at least.” He went quiet again. “So
would I be any good? Doing what you do, I mean? I could learn, and it would get
me some money so I could repay you for your kindness.”
I dry heaved
involuntarily. Edward on the streets as a hustler? I’d die before I let that
happen to him too. We didn’t both need to live this life.
“No, Edward,
no; I don’t need to be repaid and certainly not in a way that could cause you
serious emotional damage. Just... don’t even think of it. Promise me.”
He went
silent, and so I carried on.
“What
happened to bring you here? Why aren’t you at home studying to be something
important?”
I heard him
stand up and step out of the tub, scrubbing himself down with the rough towel.
He reappeared, holding his clothes against him for protection, the towel around
his waist, his hair damp and crazy looking. His eyes were downcast, his posture
hunched and awkward.
“Long story.
Short version: years of foster care. At 18, I left my last home and the system.
I just dropped out of the world around me. “He shrugged self-consciously. “And
here I am.”
I gathered
some fresh clothes for him and handed him a warm blanket.
“Put these
on. Will you stay here tonight? I’d be happy to rinse those through for you if
you’ll let me. They’ll be dry for the morning.”
“Uhmm...” I
heard his hesitation, the click of his throat, not wanting any kind of charity
but being in no position to refuse. Laundromats cost money he didn’t have, plus
he had no change of clothes to wear. My voice bordered on cajoling.
“It’s okay,
Edward. I’ve been where you are. I want to do this for you.”
He nodded in
silence and retreated behind the curtain to dress. I put more water on to boil.
When he reappeared he looked completely different wearing my blue sweater,
faded jeans and thick socks. He also looked much warmer. His hands raked
through his hair repeatedly to tame it before wrapping the multi coloured
blanket around his shoulders, enveloping his thin frame in the thick wool. I
nodded to the bed.
“If you lie
down for a while you’ll conserve the heat from the bath. Plus you’ll be
comfortable; the bed’s not too bad.” I smiled.
“What about
you?”
“It’s early
and I’ve got laundry to do. But, if it’s okay with you, I’ll share the bed.
There’s enough room and, to be honest, there’s nowhere else to sleep except the
floor, and it’s too cold for that.”
I watched his
reaction. He seemed a little worried. Sitting down on the mattress, he raised
his eyes to me.
“Jasper, I
have nightmares. I might kick or punch you in my sleep. I-I... don’t want to do
that.” His voice was a scratchy whisper.
I sat down on
the mattress next to him, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder; for a
second he cowered away from me. I removed my hand.
“Wrap
yourself up in your blanket, and get under the covers to keep warm. I’ll take
my chances. Relax, try to sleep, okay? You’re safe here. I swear to you.”
He nodded and
did as I asked, scooting over to the far side of the bed, assuming a tight,
foetal position.
Edward, I won’t hurt you.
Leaving him
to rest, I started the laundry, the scent of detergent rinsing away the smell
of the streets from his clothing. I had to boil more water to get his jeans
anywhere near clean and, once done, I hung everything up over the heater to dry.
It was still early but the sun had set, and the rain looked like it was here to
stay. I sighed. Takings were going to be down tomorrow if this continued and,
with the possibility of having two mouths to feed for a while, I could use the
cash. Laundry finished, I stayed close to the heater for an hour or more, a
blanket around my shoulders, listening to Edward’s breathing.
What alerted
me first were the whimpers; quiet snuffles and noises came from his sleeping
form that made me move closer to check he was alright. I knew better than to
wake someone from a nightmare as the shock could make them react as if the
event were real. My chances of making money would be low to zero if I had a
black eye, but at the same time I didn’t want him to feel so alone and scared.
Then the noises turned to words, pleading sobs for mercy, and my mind was made
up.
Flipping off
the heater, I walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge, wanting to alert
him to my presence. When I saw the tears running down his face, I reached over
and stroked his hair, trying to calm him in a non-threatening way. His legs
started to thrash and I carried on stroking, feeling the fight gradually leave
him as he succumbed to the rhythmic soothing movements. When he stopped
fighting the assailants in his head, I lifted the covers and slid under, fully
clothed. My fingers continued to play with his hair as his body stilled and
relaxed in slumber. I shushed him like a child, running my fingers up and down
the back of his neck until his breathing deepened and evened out.
I didn’t
sleep for the longest time.
~o.O.o~
I woke early,
the sky barely lightened through the heavy rain drumming on the windows. I
pulled the blankets tighter around me, glancing over at Edward who had turned
over in his sleep. He was hunched into a ball under the covers like a child
trying to hide from the monsters under the bed. His features were partially
covered by the blanket, but I could see the crease in his forehead and guessed
he wasn’t sleeping easy, even without the nightmares.
As he rose
from deep sleep, he started to mumble again, the words quickly becoming
frantic:
“No, no,
no... Please stop... please don’t... No... No!”
His hand
lashed out to defend himself and caught my chest, knocking the wind out of me.
The impact woke Edward with a cry, and he bolted upright in terror, thinking
his attackers were in the room.
“Edward! Edward! It’s okay! You’re safe! You’re
with Jasper – remember?”
His eyes were
wild, and I was willing to bet his heart was hammering fit to burst as the fight
or flight impulse burned through his system. His eyes finally focused on me and
he visibly relaxed a little, trying to speak.
“Jasper?
I-I’m so sorry, I tried to warn you. I can’t help it, the dreams just keep
coming ba-“
His words
were cut off by an ugly sob as tears escaped and spilled down his cheeks.
Against my better judgement, I reached for him. He didn’t fight me, and I
folded him into my arms, rocking him gently as I would a small child. After a
few moments his arms found their way around my waist and held me close. As his
cries gradually subsided he stayed wrapped around me, and together we fell
asleep, each finding comfort and protection in the unfamiliar intimacy.
~o.O.o~
When we woke
a couple of hours later, my head was on the pillow with Edward’s face pressed
into my chest, my fingers in his hair. I felt him stir, breathe in sharply, and
lift his head to look at me. My voice
was sleep roughened.
“Morning. Did
you sleep? I hope I don’t snore; no one’s been around in years to tell me if I
do.”
I was
surprised to see a slight twitch at the corners of his mouth.
“Not that I
noticed, no. I’m so sorry about last night.”
I was afraid
he would shut down again, just when we were getting somewhere.
“Edward, have
you had those nightmares ever since the attack?”
His face
crumpled, and I knew I had poked at an open wound. Sitting up, I saw him
withdraw into himself again for self-preservation. My hand stroked his back and
just for a second he flinched. Undeterred, I sat up and pulled him gently to
me, rubbing his back in circular motions. After a few moments he leant against
me and I whispered into his hair.
“Have you
been back to the alley where it happened? Faced it again? I don’t know if it’ll
help, but it might give you some closure to what happened.” He stiffened in my
arms. “Edward, I’ll go with you if you want to do that. It’s not healthy to
relive it every night.”
He looked
toward the small, dingy window.
“It’s still
raining. How will you work today? You’ll be soaked through in seconds.”
I sighed.
“I can’t work
in this weather, and believe me, I’ve tried. I was afraid it wouldn’t pass
overnight. It’s a good thing we have some bread and fruit left to eat today; we
won’t be able to go to the market til I can get some more money together.”
His voice was
small and guilty.
“I’m sorry I
ate so much. It would have lasted you another day if I weren’t here.”
I squeezed my
arms around him.
“I invited
you, remember? Don’t be saying stuff like that - we have food for today. If I
can work later maybe, then we can get something extra for supper tonight.
Sometimes I get lucky and find some dented tins of soup or beans; otherwise
it’s just vegetables and a bit of meat like last night. I’m not a great cook, I
just make do.”
“What do you
do when you can’t work?” He twisted his head around to look at me.
“I have a
couple of books I like to read; I just stay in bed in the warm and wait for the
weather to change. My life is on hold if I can’t work; plus there’s always the
worry of not making rent. I’d try elsewhere, but I have regulars now; I’m safe
with them and they’re respectful in their own way, and they always pay of
course. Any extra money I make comes from passing trade.”
He looked
genuinely worried, his voice holding an edge of panic.
“But isn’t
that dangerous? They could do anything to you...”
I could see
where his thoughts were going, and I tried to calm him.
“I can take
care of myself, Edward. I’ve learned how to deal with the bad ones. I’d rather
get away with no money but my face intact. I’d be worthless if I got bashed
up.”
“You could
never be worthless, Jasper. You have a wonderful soul, so caring and
compassionate.” I smiled humourlessly.
“Customers
don’t pay for my soul, Edward; they just want my body for a short time to
fulfil their urges. I do what they want and hopefully leave with my money.”
He fell
silent for a minute or two, just staring at the blanket over our legs as if in
a trance.
“Edward...
hey, where’d you go?” I stroked his back to bring him back into the room.
He squeezed
his eyes tight shut before looking at me again.
“Could I stay
here til it stops raining? I’m so tired of always wearing damp jeans and a wet
coat. I so rarely get a chance to get dry and warm.” He looked at me, but before
I could answer, he continued as if I had.
“Of course,
if my clothes are dry then I should really get going anyway. I need to find a
dry place to sleep tonight, and if I wait then all the best places will be
taken.”
He made to
get out of bed but I refused to let him go. He looked confused, and I shook my
head.
“I don’t know
what you heard there, but I didn’t actually answer. You’ll stay here today; no
way am I letting you go out there to get soaked again. In fact, unless the rain
stops, I don’t see any point in moving from this bed, do you? It’s warm here,
and we have some food to eat. In fact, I’ll make us both a drink and bring it
back to bed.”
I tilted my
head, daring him to defy me. When he saw I was serious, he asked where the
bathroom was and disappeared to answer the call of nature. In less than two
minutes he was back, shivering from the cold hallway outside my room. Climbing
back into bed, he huddled under the covers and watched me make two cups of weak,
black coffee that I carried back to bed.
Edward dozed
without incident for the next couple of hours, staying snuggled up to me the
whole time as I were his lifeline. I felt incredibly protective of this boy who
had appeared in my life so suddenly. I knew that, if I allowed myself, I could
easily develop real feelings for him. I also knew that that wasn’t an option. I’d
known I was gay from an early age; it made the things I did for my customers
that little bit easier, although not remotely enjoyable. I had no idea about
Edward and his orientation, but I did know that, after his horrifying ordeal,
he might never be able to be physically intimate with anyone.
I had had one
relationship before I fell into this life; one brief summer romance with my
friend Peter. But his family had moved away and I was alone after that. I told
myself that love was for idiots, it made you vulnerable and weak and I couldn’t
afford to be either if I wanted to survive. Meeting Edward made me see that I
wanted to wrap my arms around him and push the world away so it couldn’t hurt
him anymore. It was an unfamiliar, but not entirely unwelcome, feeling. I
allowed myself to nuzzle his hair as I held him, one brief moment of ‘what if’
before pulling away and resuming my stroking of his hair.
~o.O.o~
Weak sunshine
shone through my window, heralding the end of the rain. It would be cold and
damp out, but I might be able to make enough to cover the few bucks I had
borrowed for the rent and buy us something for supper. My stomach was starting
to complain, and I suspected Edward would be hungry too when he woke. I debated
on whether to eat the fruit or the bread; the bread would be dry without some
kind of filling. My mind mentally wandered down the corridor marked ‘dairy’
before once again rejecting the idea. I had no facilities here for fresh
produce; of course, it was so damn cold at the moment that milk or cheese would
probably be okay for a couple of days. I remembered trying to store some
outside the window once, but someone stole it. I didn’t make that mistake
again.
Looking up at
my clock, I saw that I still had a couple of working hours if I went out to my
spot. I wished I didn’t have to wake him; he looked so peaceful after his rough
night, his face smooth and relaxed at last, the weight on his thin shoulders
lifted for a brief while.
“Edward?” I
spoke quietly into his hair, the backs of my fingers stroking his cheek. “I
have to go. The rain stopped.”
He stirred
and rubbed his eyes.
“Should I go?”
“No, you can
stay here. I’ll be a couple of hours, tops. I’m hoping there’s time for me to
make enough to cover the borrowed rent. I’ll be back soon, okay? If you get
hungry, help yourself to an apple. There’s a little coffee left too.”
He nodded
apprehensively. It hit me that he didn’t want to be left alone.
“If I make
some cash, we’ll go to the market and get you some food to put a little flesh
on these bones. Don’t worry; I’ll be back before you know it.”
As I went to
climb out of bed, he looked up at me.
“Thank you,
Jasper.” Those words were so sincere that, without thinking, I leaned in and
pressed a kiss to his forehead before heading off to the bathroom and then out
to the street.
Time for
Blondie to get to work.
Luck was on
my side. A regular was looking for me, and I delivered his regular blowjob with
more feigned enthusiasm than I usually managed. He was a decent guy and paid me
my ten bucks with no hesitation. The next guy to appear was an unknown, and as
always I exercised caution as I approached him, ready to run if I needed to. He
argued over the price, and wanted to go without a condom which I staunchly
refused. The clinic provided me with plenty and I always used them. Getting
sick would hardly help my cause. In the end I had to accept less than my usual
fee and get butt fucked none too gently in return. Keeping my face neutral as I
pulled up my jeans, I took his measly payment, thinking of Edward and putting
some food in our stomachs tonight. After the guy drove off, I allowed myself to
wince in discomfort as I tried to sit down on the wall. I hoped the next guy
was gentler or I wasn’t going to be much use out here for a day or so.
This was no
life. I was cold, sore, and hungry.
An hour
later, after two more blowjobs and one quick hand job that procured me a whole
5 bucks, I had 60 bucks in my hand and called it a day. It was enough, and I
was keen to get back to Edward to check he was okay.
Opening the
door, I saw him jump to his feet, wearing his now dry clothes.
“Ready to
go?” I showed him the money before I stashed the rent portion back under the
mattress.
He nodded,
his eyes lighting up until he saw my discomfort. His face fell immediately.
“You got
hurt? Just to get more food for us? Jasper, you should have let me come with
you – I might have been able to help somehow.”
I shook my
head vehemently.
“I do what I
have to out of necessity. I don’t want you ending up like me; it isn’t living,
it’s surviving, nothing more.”
At that moment, I felt the hopelessness of my existence more acutely than I had in a long time. Edward deserved more than ending up a two-bit hustler like me, giving it up to strangers for a few bucks. My mistakes didn’t have to be his too. He stepped forward and hugged me awkwardly, his arms around my neck, and I leaned into him for a moment, relishing true affection that made no demands. Pulling back, he looked me in the eye.
At that moment, I felt the hopelessness of my existence more acutely than I had in a long time. Edward deserved more than ending up a two-bit hustler like me, giving it up to strangers for a few bucks. My mistakes didn’t have to be his too. He stepped forward and hugged me awkwardly, his arms around my neck, and I leaned into him for a moment, relishing true affection that made no demands. Pulling back, he looked me in the eye.
“I thought
about what you said, and I want to go back... to th-the alley... and see if it
helps. It might make it worse, but I want to try.”
His eyes
displayed his naked fear as bright as day, and I wondered if he wanted some
support. I didn’t want to force myself on him if he wanted to be alone, but I
worried about him having a panicked episode all alone in that place. Before I
could say anything however, he answered my question.
“Come with
me? Please? I don’t know if I can do it alone.” His voice was dry and cracked,
and I ached for him.
“Let’s go
then.” I held out my hand and he took it shyly.
Together we
made our way across town to the scene of his own personal hell. I knew the
alley he had spoken of; as we approached, I felt him slow as if his feet grew
heavier with each step closer.
“We don’t
have to do this,” I murmured.
He stopped as
we turned a corner, the alley ahead. His breathing was coming in short gasps, a
panic attack bubbling just beneath the surface. I squeezed his hand and we
stepped forward into the gloom, the only light coming from a streetlight at the
far end casting a sickly yellow glow into the darkness. Edward was shaking now,
his hand clammy. I refused to let go, and he edged us towards the spot where it
happened. He suddenly turned away, his jaw clenched, scrunching his eyes shut
and shaking his head to try and dispel the voices, sounds and smells of that
night; he was reliving it yet again, but this time he was wide awake.
“They can’t
hurt you anymore, Edward. I won’t let them.”
He was
trembling, and on turning him to face me I saw he was crying, his eyes wide in
terror as the memory washed over him. I hugged him tight, whispering in his
ear.
“Tell me. Let
the poison out once and for all and you’ll be free.”
Holding his
shuddering form against me, I listened as he lost himself to fear, his voice
like that of a child.
“They
surrounded me. One punched me in the face to keep me quiet, he said. I was
pulled to my feet and pinned to that wall....” His tears soaked my neck but I
ignored them, stroking his hair soothingly as he spoke in hitching sobs.
“They pulled off my belt and jeans, and bent
me over. I fought back but I couldn’t stop them so I screamed for help, but no
one came. They just laughed at me. And
then... and then...”
He collapsed
to the cold concrete, hugging his knees and sobbing uncontrollably. I dropped
to the ground and gathered him to me, letting him weep as he expurgated the
whole horrific experience from his soul. It was getting cold; I remembered
sleeping here and how bitterly cold it got when the north wind howled down the
length of the alley. It was dry, that was all you could say about this place.
Edward’s face was in my neck as I rocked him, his cries lessening, emotionally
spent.
“Let’s go, hmm?
Let’s leave this place – it’s in the past now. You never have to come back
here.”
He spoke into
my neck.
“It’s hard to
find dry places though. If the weather’s bad enough, I’ll end up here again
eventually.” His voice was desolate. My mind was already decided.
“No, you
won’t. You’re stuck with me now, if you want to be, that is.”
He looked up
at me then, his face swollen and reddened with tears, wide eyes reflected in
the deathly pallid light from the street beyond.
“I can stay
with you? But we won’t have enough money and I won’t keep eating your food. It
isn’t right - I need to work too.”
He was right,
we would struggle, but we’d get by somehow. We had to. No way was I leaving him
alone again.
“Is that a
yes?”
He nodded
awkwardly, his voice muffled.
“I had a job
once. But when I became homeless they wouldn’t keep me on. Maybe I can find
something at the market? I could ask. At least if they ask, I have an address
now.”
I kissed his
hair and smiled.
“I think
that’s a great idea.”
Then he took
my breath away, touching his soft lips to mine in a sweet, innocent kiss; the
scene of his greatest terror cleansed by a moment of pure joy.
~o.O.o~
The
atmosphere was light as we made our way to the market to buy supper. Tony
commented on how happy we looked as I paid for my limp vegetables and overripe
peaches. Edward decided there was no time like the present, and went to ask the
traders if they knew of any work. With his hair washed and his clothes cleaned,
he looked like any other hopeful young man looking for work, and I prayed he
wasn’t about to be disillusioned. I carried on, buying some chicken and a small
wedge of cheese to go with the bread.
When I was
done, Edward was back at my side, a happy grin on his face.
“I got
something! It’s only an hour a night, sweeping up after closing, but it’s a
start! At least now I can give you a few dollars for food.”
His face
glowed, and my heart swelled. Throwing an arm around him, I pulled him in tight
for a moment, whispering in his ear:
“So proud of
you.”
His face lit
up, and I marvelled at how much my life had changed in a single day.
After supper
I boiled water until the bath was half full. Shucking off my clothes, I climbed
in, hissing softly as my sore backside came into contact with the warm water.
“Jasper? Are you okay?” He sounded worried and I
called to him through the curtain.
“Rough day,
that’s all. I sure hope tomorrow’s a little easier or I won’t be able to sit
comfortably for a few days.”
“Can I come
in?” I smiled at his tentative request.
“Sure.” I had long ago stopped being self-conscious
about my body. I had to share it often enough.
He shuffled
around the curtain, and I looked up.
“Want to join
me? It’s warm in here.”
He looked
distressed, and I was hit with the abrupt realisation that no one had ever seen
him naked, aside from his attackers.
“Forget I
said that. I don’t want you to ever feel uncomfortable with me.”
Breathing in
sharply, he met my gaze with a blush.
“I feel safe
with you, Jasper. Could you...?”
I looked away
as he peeled off his jeans, hearing both the denim and his sweater hit the
floor. He hesitated before sliding off his underwear and stepping into the
water with me. The bath was tiny, and in order to fit we had to be virtually
wrapped around each other. It was heaven to me. I cupped my hands and ran warm
water over his shoulders and back, before soaping my hands and washing him
everywhere I could reach. He giggled as I washed under his arms and behind his
ears like a mother would. Leaning forward, he kissed me again, making my heart
pound, before wetting my hair and reaching for the shampoo. My eyes slipped
closed when he began to massage my scalp, little moans of pleasure slipping
from me as his fingers weaved a magic spell.
Reaching
under the tub, I felt for the cup I used to rinse off the soap, handing it to
him.
“Lean
back...”
Warm water
cascaded over my head and down my back, cup after cup until I was relaxed to
the point of sleepiness, all soap residues gone. Gently squeezing out the water
from my locks, his thumbs massaged my temples and I groaned helplessly, my body
loose and languid under his loving attentions.
His voice was
soft and sincere.
“We’re going
to be okay, Jasper, I can feel it. Together we can take on the world. I don’t
want you getting hurt anymore by assholes who think that, just because they pay
you, they can treat you however they want. You deserve so much more. This is
only the beginning for us.”
My arms
tightened around him in gratitude. And here I was thinking I had rescued him.
For the first
time in my life I felt a real sense of hope.
Maybe, just
maybe, we could carve out a better
life.
Together.
~o.O.o~
