Thank you to my beta mxpi1970 and my ever loyal pre readers who keep me on the right track.
I own nothing except Carlisle’s walk-in shower. I wanted to say I owned McCarty’s Bar but Emmett threatened to ban me from the premises.
As always, all characters created and owned by Stephenie Meyer.
~xxXxx~
CHAPTER 3
CPOV
“What is he doing here?” Lauren was staring at Edward.
Oh god, they know each other. He probably dates one of her friends from the bar, Jessica is it? And now Lauren will have to tell her the truth about why he really dumped her.
I tightened my towel around my near nakedness, grateful that I had my back to the doorframe and most of my body was mercifully hidden from view. I turned back to Edward; he sat slumped on the floor, shirtless, looking like a condemned man on death row waiting for his name to be called. I looked back at my daughter who stood with her fist covering her mouth, her eyes wide.
“Sweetheart - I know this is a shock, one I would have given anything to shelter you from, but right now I need you to go into the lounge room, close the door and wait for me there. Okay?”
For a moment I didn’t think she heard me, but she slowly turned and did as I asked, the door closing softly behind her. I exhaled loudly.
“Edward?” He looked away, unwilling to meet my eyes. His face was contorted with self- loathing and when I lightly touched his shoulder, my thumb brushing the hollow at the base of his throat, he flinched. I pulled my hand back.
I know you came here tonight to end it, Edward. I just wish you’d tell me why.
“Edward? Look at me. I’m going upstairs to change and then I’m going to talk to Lauren.” His face was white, his eyes wide and dark in his pale face as he nodded stiffly. His hands were roughly combing through his hair, making it stand up in untidy spikes. “Stay here. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
I ran upstairs, closing the door and sinking down onto the bed, allowing myself a moment to recoup. Just moments before, I had been ready and willing to teach Edward all the delights of my body and, even as my erection subsided, I still shook with the aftershock of adrenalin and desire flooding my veins. Standing up I dropped the towel, climbing into my jeans and shirt that still lay on the bed from earlier. I slid my bare feet into my well-worn loafers, took a deep breath, and descended the stairs.
Walking into the lounge room, I saw Lauren sitting rigidly on the couch; I walked over to her, sitting a short distance away to give her some space. She was quiet for a few moments and then before I could speak she turned on me, high colour in her cheeks.
“How could you? How could you do that to Uncle Marcus? Didn’t you love him?” Her voice was shrill, her words catching me off guard.
Gathering my wits at this unexpected turn, I tried to respond:
“Lauren, I loved Uncle Marcus more than you can imagine and I miss him still.”
“But you’re... you’re cheating on his memory, dad. It’s so wrong! I loved him and I don’t want you to replace him with some new man; and definitely not with him.” She pointed jerkily at the door. “Mom didn’t replace Peter, did she? And we were happy as we were. So why do you have to find someone else?”
Angry tears were starting to run down her face. I reached out for her, but she shrank away from me.
My little girl’s had a traumatic night and I’ve made it worse.
“Because life moves on, sweetheart, that’s why. Your dad has been alone for nearly three years now and I want someone special in my life again – someone I can love as much as I loved Marcus. I know that he wanted me to move on, sweetie. I never told you this because you were young, but he once told me that if anything should happen to him I was to mourn him and let him go, not spend my life living in the past and missing the future I was meant to have. At the time I told him he was crazy, the thought of losing him was incomprehensible; I was convinced that I would die too. But I didn’t.”
I met her eyes, my tone soft and sincere, begging her to understand.
“I know you’ve grown used to me being on my own; I have too. I never thought I would meet anyone who measured up to Marcus in my eyes, but... I think I have. It’s still very new, and we’re getting to know each other but...”
“But what? He’s only 20, dad! Hardly older than me! It’s so gross! Why would he want to be with someone old? And anyway, why the hell would he want to be with you? He dates women, not men, and from what I hear he likes sex a whole lot, and it’s not like you have sex at your age! Just the thought of that is too disgusting!”
I took a deep breath to calm myself.
He’s 20. Even younger than I thought.
“Sweetheart, what would you do if your mom met someone new? It could happen one day. You really need to think about how you would react if it did. And as for Edward being 20, well, Marcus was a good deal older than I and it didn’t matter to either of us. It probably didn’t cross your mind when you were little. You saw him as a favourite uncle and another ‘dad’ figure after Peter died, but...”
“How much older?” Her voice wobbled.
“Is that really important?”
She glared at me. “I can always ask mom if you won’t tell me. How. Much. Older?”
I sighed heavily. “Marcus was 49 when he passed. He was 16 years my senior.”
The same age gap as Edward and I. Is history repeating itself?
Lauren’s mouth fell open. “He was old enough to be my grandpa? But... but that’s so wrong, daddy. And you never told me this?”
I felt the weight of her judgement on my shoulders and was glad that Marcus was not here to witness this. He had loved her so very much and her words, albeit spoken in anger and pain, would have crushed him.
I felt my eyes grow blurry, and I blinked hard to clear them. My voice now had a cracked quality to it as I struggled to keep my emotions from overtaking me.
“Tell me, would you have loved him any less if you had known?” She looked momentarily blindsided but said nothing.
“What you need to understand, sweetheart, is that love is love. Age is just a number.”
I took a breath and pulled myself together, running my hands through my tousled hair to regain focus. Changing the subject before it could get more painful I remembered her words when she had burst in on us.
“So, tell me again about this Eric boy and why he’s dumping you... ”
~xxXxx~
EPOV
Please no, not like this.
I had wanted to be the one to tell him; it was not supposed to end this way with Carlisle in pain because of me. But I was weak. I had needed to be with him once more, to feel his body pressed so close to mine that neither knew where one ended and the other began... I wanted to commit everything about him to my memory before I walked out of his life, and, because of me, we had been caught.
Seeing Lauren’s shocked face I knew I had failed. Now everything was out in the open, and I had lost my chance to make it right. I sank to the floor, my hands threading through my hair in panic. I dimly heard Carlisle telling her to go into the other room and was shocked when she did as she was told with no argument. But, when he leant down to talk to me, I couldn’t meet his eyes. I was too terrified by what I might see there, and I knew that my own would proclaim my guilt.
Suddenly cold I reached for my shirt, fastening the buttons without thought. I fought the urge to follow him upstairs and beg him to listen to me; to make him understand that I had tried to make this right.
What happens now? He said to wait, but perhaps I should just go.
I could hear Lauren’s muffled voice growing progressively louder as she no doubt filled Carlisle in on the whole sorry story.
Leave.
I pulled myself up and made for the front door. Passing the lounge room, I paused when I clearly heard Carlisle say the name ‘Eric’.
Eric Yorkie? What did he have to do with this?
“His name isn’t Eric, daddy...” Lauren’s voice was loud and clear now as I stood outside the lounge room door.
Oh good.
Oh...
This was it.
Game over.
Be a man.
I took a steadying breath and pushed open the door, catching and holding Carlisle’s surprised gaze. I swallowed once and finally spoke.
“His name isn’t Eric, its Edward.”
I watched as he looked from me to Lauren and back again, watched the realisation and shock darken his beautiful face. I knew then that it was over, but still I waited. His tone was stiff and cold.
“I need some time. I think it’s best if you leave, Edward.”
I nodded once, respectfully, and backed out of the room, closing the door. As I walked to the front door I heard footsteps behind me, and turning, I saw Lauren hurrying after me. My heart sank.
“What do you want, Lauren? It’s over. All of it.”
“Is your car here? I think we need to talk.”
I nodded.
I had parked out of the sight of the house, unsure at the time if I would have the courage to face him. She fell into step next to me, not speaking; the only noise was the clicking of her heels on the asphalt. Reaching my car we both climbed in and sat, neither knowing what to say to the other. It was me that finally broke the silence.
“I’m so sorry I lied to you.” I stared at my clenched hands, the knuckles glaringly white. “I know this whole thing must be a shock. I’m not gay; I need you to know that. I’m not. And, until last night I had never...” I stopped short of giving her the visual.
She turned in her seat to stare at me in disbelief and horror.
“Oh my god. Oh my god. You slept with dad?! Gross, just... gross. I don’t need to hear this.” Her voice was loud in the confined space, and it sounded like she was on the verge of hyperventilation. “So if you’re not gay, Edward, why are you sleeping with men? I just told dad that this was all a mistake because you like girls!”
I shook my head, scowling as I tried to make her understand.
“It’s not ‘men’, it’s just him. It’s just Carlisle.”
“So all this time you’ve just been stringing me along to get to my dad? You must be pretty proud of yourself.” Her bitter words stung. I scraped my hand roughly through my hair.
“For your information, I had no idea who he was when we met, I swear. We just liked each other too much to... to ignore it. You know perfectly well that I’d never met your dad, only your mom. And we all know what she thinks of me.” I grimaced, momentarily distracted by thoughts of Esme’s disapproval.
“Yeah, she thinks you’re too ‘experienced’ for me,” she made air quotes around the word, “and that you might lead me down the wrong path and corrupt me. I told her it’s all in her head.”
“Well, she’ll certainly have something to say about all this. Her opinion of me will be rock bottom now – sediment level.”
She snorted ruefully. I took a deep breath.
“Lauren, I swear to you that, when I found out who he was, I tried to end it with both of you so you didn’t have to find out. I was terrified that you might not know that he was gay, and that I might be divulging some big secret.”
“Of course I knew.” She sounded almost amused. “He and Uncle Marcus were together for years. The law meant they couldn’t get married, but they might as well have been.”
“Who’s Marcus? Is he still in Carlisle’s life?” My voice was husky, pained at the thought of sharing him with anyone. I reminded myself that he wasn’t mine, and probably never would be again.
I looked up to see tears in her eyes. She shook her head, her voice uncharacteristically small, like a child’s.
“He died. It was so unexpected. They’d been together since I was seven. Dad loved him so much and so did I. When Mom’s husband, Peter, died, Uncle Marcus sort of stepped up and became another ‘dad’ figure to me. I was spoilt rotten. They were awesome together and he and mom got on well too; we were one big happy family. I never thought about his age, or noticed just how much older than dad he was...”
Tears spilled over and ran down her cheeks. She sniffed, wiping her eyes before continuing.
“Dad was a mess after the funeral. Mom wanted him to get bereavement counselling but he wouldn’t hear of it. It’s been over three years now and he hasn’t dated anyone that we know of since then. He works way too hard to cover the fact that he doesn’t want to come home. I spend most weekends with him now, and we have fun together. I want him to be happy, but I’m scared that if he meets someone else he won’t have time for me anymore.”
My mind whirled. Firstly, after all my fears, she knew about her father. Secondly, she hadn’t scratched my eyes out with her fingernails despite ample provocation.
“What are you saying, Lauren?”
“That this was just a – an experiment for you. You’re tried it, and now you can move on. Leave him be. You and he make no sense; he’s old and doesn’t need sex at his age. He needs someone stable and dependable; a companion, to make him happy.”
I closed my eyes, picturing him leaning over me, desire burning in his eyes.
Oh, Lauren, you don’t understand. He needs so much more than that.
“I can’t make this right no matter what I do and trying has proved worse than useless. I came here to end it with him tonight; to convince him that I’d changed my mind so that he would never ever find out that I had dated both of you. Of course it didn’t occur to me that you discussed your relationships with him. I thought it would be Esme that you confided in. Wrong again.”
I laughed, hollowly. Looking at her, I could see pain etched across her perfect features, her pretty mouth drawn down in misery.
“Why him, Edward? Because you just ‘liked him’? So you get on well – that doesn’t mean you have to do... stuff... with him. It’s crazy! You’re straight! I know you are! You get a hard on whenever I press up against you. If I’d let you, you would have banged me on my front porch.”
I chuckled, wryly. “I don’t deny that. But this is different. This is... more. It took me by surprise and I couldn’t fight it – more importantly, I didn’t want to. It feels right.”
Looking at her anguished face, I realised that she would never accept the truth no matter how blatant it was. I had exhausted all my avenues of reason.
Perhaps Carlisle would have better luck.
“How? How can it be right? You shouldn’t be with him.” Her voice was barely more than a whisper. I didn’t know if that meant she was weakening, or whether she had just exhausted her argument.
“But what about chemistry? What about passion? What about... love?” My throat was dry as I said the word out loud. Swallowing hard, I told her the one thing I knew to be true.
“Lauren, we can’t control who we fall in love with.”
Admitting it made it real. And it felt good. I had been hypnotised by that man since I first laid eyes on him, and last night had only confirmed it. Call me a fool, but this was the real thing for me. All those years I had pretended – saying the words back to girls who said them to me first. I told them what they wanted to hear, never once feeling the same way, never knowing if I ever would. And now I truly felt it, deep in my gut, and he would never know.
Lauren stared at me. Her voice was only a whisper.
“Love? You love him, Edward? Are you joking?”
Straightening up, I looked her in the eye and bared my soul.
“No, I’m not.”
~xxXxx~
CPOV
I watched Lauren run after Edward, but I was frozen to the spot.
How could I be so blind?
The look on his face when he saw her; and yet it never crossed my mind that he was my daughter’s lover.
No, not lover. She said they hadn’t... That she wasn’t ready.
Thank god for small mercies.
Locking the doors, I walked to the kitchen and fixed myself a stiff drink. I took it upstairs, exhausted by the evening’s events, wanting nothing more now than the welcome oblivion of sleep to make sense of it all. I downed my drink, washed up and headed to bed.
But, as much as I craved it, sleep was denied me as my mind continually ran over the events of the evening like a badly edited TV movie. The Egyptian cotton still held his scent from our night together, and the pillow held traces of his cologne. Without thought, I crushed my face into it and breathed deep, finding comfort and solace in the lingering memory of our union. I had a choice here. The sensible decision was to cut and run, to wash my hands of the whole affair. After all, hadn’t Edward himself come here tonight to end it between us? I was a fool to think that we had a future together, no matter what Alistair or Alice would say on the matter - and no doubt Alice, in particular, would have a great deal to say to me in the morning if she found out.
And somehow she always did. She was the voice of my subconscious:
Ending it is the logical thing to do.
(But you don’t want to.)
I have to before I get in too deep and get really hurt.
(It’s too late for that.)
Lauren will never forgive me.
(She’ll learn to accept it in time.)
But he was hers.
(And now he’s yours.)
My eyes snapped open. I rolled over, the movement releasing faint echoes of fragrance and musk from the linen.
Eau d’Edward – I wanted to wear it always.
Sitting up, I realised that sleep would never come until this was resolved, one way or another. Picking up the phone I dialled his number for the first time since he had programmed it in.
At least he won’t recognise the number.
It rang and rang before diverting to automated voicemail. I hung up and paced for a couple of minutes before trying again.
“Hello?” He sounded tired.
“Edward? It’s Carlisle. Don’t hang up on me, please. I need to see you.”
~xxXxx~
I finally got him to tell me his address and, ten minutes later, I was turning off the engine outside his building. My heart was pounding as I sat there looking up at the first floor window.
Don’t fuck this up, Cullen.
His door was ajar when I climbed the stairs. I knocked, calling out his name as I pushed it open, closing it quietly behind me. He sat on the far end of the couch, not looking up when I called. His eyes were closed and for a moment I wondered if he was sleeping.
“Edward...”
“No.” His tone was flat, and the sight of a tear running down his face stopped me in my tracks. “I don’t want to hear whatever it is you’ve come to say. I tried, okay? I tried to stop all of this, I tried to make it right, but I was too weak to just end it with you. This whole thing is my fault, and I’m so sorry for what I’ve done to you.”
Oh god. He thinks I hate him.
I sat down on the edge of the seat, intent on saying what I had come to say.
“Edward, Lauren is young and, like any other rejected teenage girl, feels her world has ended. But she will get over it. She will learn as she grows older that sometimes it’s necessary to be selfish and grab an opportunity with both hands before the offer is withdrawn, and the chance lost forever. Granted, the circumstances here are somewhat more... unusual... and less than ideal, I agree. But Lauren will fall in love again, probably many more times, before she finds the one who is a good match for her. I, on the other hand, am fortunate in that I have already found mine.”
“Yes, she told me about Marcus, and that you haven’t dated since. Is that true?”
“Yes. I couldn’t bring myself to look at anyone else for a long time. But I wasn’t referring to Marcus, Edward.”
His eyes finally met mine, and my heart clenched at the pain I saw there. He looked like a lost little boy as he spoke.
“I thought to myself that it would have been for the best if you’d never stopped at the bar that night, if we had never met. But then I imagine what would have happened if I had been introduced to you at a family dinner; if we had felt that same attraction. It seems this outcome couldn’t be avoided, either way.”
I reached for him, taking his hand.
“None of it matters, Edward. Just tell me, right here right now, do you still want me? Because I feel like I can’t breathe when I’m away from you.”
~xxXxx~
EPOV
His words resonated deep in my chest. The last few hours ceased to exist as I gazed into his eyes, seeing the need reflected there.
“Let’s take this somewhere more comfortable.”
As the bedroom door closed behind us, I made a show of removing my shirt, watching lust dance across his face. Moving toward him, I whispered in his ear:
“I want to make you scream my name, Carlisle, and I want you to show me how.”
“Yes,” he whispered his voice husky with arousal.
As I leant in to kiss him all coherent thought ceased as white-hot passion ripped through the pair of us. His kiss slayed me every time as he expertly teased and tormented my senses, causing my body to hum with electricity. His hands were on my head, holding me tightly as his tongue violated my mouth thoroughly, simultaneously turning my legs to wet paper as my cock hardened painfully.
I wrenched open his belt and unfastened his fly, desperate to touch him. When the denim slid down he kicked it away, and I was unbelievably turned on by the fact that he wore nothing beneath. My hand encountered only hot, hard flesh beneath his shirt and he moaned into my mouth as I grasped it firmly, sliding my hand up and down experimentally to test his reaction. He broke the kiss, gasping for air as I slowly pleasured his shaft with my hand; his eyes were liquid onyx as I gazed into them, falling to my knees. He watched as my tongue reached out and licked his entire length from root to tip, gasping as I sucked the head before starting again, my tongue trailing and flickering its way back up. This time I covered his tip with the flat of my tongue and laved it before drawing it back into my mouth and sinking down deeply.
“Edward...”
His breathy voice sent tremors through me, his fingers tangled in my hair as I sucked in earnest, taking him as deep as I could. Not wanting him to get too comfortable, I released him from the warm confines of my mouth and continued with my hand making slow strokes while my mouth moved down to his sac. Pressing my nose under those precious globes, I drew one into my mouth and sucked softly, applying just a little downward pressure. Carlisle was more vocal now, his groaning rhythmic and growing ever more urgent. I pulled away, and he swayed at the sudden loss of sensation. I unfastened my pants and lowered them, knowing he was devouring me with his eyes as I revealed myself to him, hard and ready. Suddenly aware, he shrugged off his shirt and finally stood naked before me as he had every night in my dreams. Pushing him backward I edged him to the bed, kissing him hard even as he struggled for breath. Pushing myself up on my arms I looked down into his darkened eyes.
“What do you want, Carlisle?”
“I want you to fuck me, Edward, but I don’t have lube and condoms.” Leaning over him I softly bit his neck, hard enough to make him cry out but not enough to leave a mark. I whispered in his ear,
“But I do.”
I saw his chest flush with longing and I slid off the bed, reaching underneath and producing condoms and lube. He rolled over onto his stomach and turned to watch me, his head on his arm.
Holding the bottle, I asked him the question causing me the most concern.
“What do I need to do to make it good for you?”
“The main thing is to prepare and go slow at first. Remember this morning?”
This morning was a lifetime ago.
I coated two fingers with lube and hesitated.
“It’s ok,” he urged, “You just need to prepare me first. I can do that part if you’re not comfortable.”
Leaning over him I planted a kiss at the top of his crease before running my fingers down it reverently. He pulled his knees in to raise himself up for me and I saw his puckered entrance for the first time. Touching it was the first step and I poured a little lube over his hole before pressing into it with my fingertip. It entered easily and Carlisle sighed at the sensation.
“More...”
I pressed in a second finger to join the first and, on his instructions, opened and closed them until he was happy that he was sufficiently readied. As I slid on the condom, I felt a twinge of fear.
“Tell me if I hurt you...”
“You won’t. Take it slow.”
I pressed into him, unable to quite believe it when the head of my cock first slipped inside. He was tight and the sensation was so incredible that I moaned his name. I felt Carlisle relax around me and I slid in slowly, deeper and deeper, until I was completely enveloped in him. Carlisle was breathing in harsh pants which grew in intensity each time I pulled back a fraction and slid back inside.
“Are you ok? Is this ok for you?” I was rocking gently into him, enjoying the feel and waiting for him to adjust.
“Edward, this is incredible. Don’t be afraid to move, it will feel good. It will feel very good. You’ll see.”
I pulled back further each time before sliding home, and soon we were fucking properly, our flesh slapping against each other’s as our moans rose in volume, our bodies sweating with exertion, our breathing hoarse, intense heat all around us as he urged me on, harder, faster, more... more...
It wasn’t long before he started moaning my name over and over and I knew he was close. I picked up speed, pounding into him and I felt him tense before he cried out my name, shooting thick ropes of come over the bedcovers. His climax triggered my own as he tightened around me, and I screamed his name as I convulsed into a blinding orgasm that left me shaking and spent.
Sliding out of him, I removed the rubber and threw it into the trash. I lay down beside him, his flushed and sleepy face next to mine; his fingers traced my neck and the curve of my shoulder before stroking my lips.
“Amazing.”
I couldn’t hold in the smile that spread across my face.
“You know Lauren said that you’re too old for sex now and just need a companion to see out your days with. I don’t know – I think there’s life in the old dog yet.”
He laughed hard, pulling me in for a long, soft, sated kiss.
~xxXxx~
CPOV
Sleep came quickly, and I went willingly into its soft embrace with Edward’s arms wrapped around me. I left him around 7am, and drove home to change for work.
The drive to the hospital was a little worse than usual, the traffic a little heavier, but I arrived on time. Making my way upstairs, Alice filled me in on my schedule whilst trying to elicit juicy details about Edward. I shook my head with a mock frown.
“All in good time, Alice, all in good time. I may introduce you when the time is right.”
She gave an excited squeal, and I shook my head with a grin, my eyes rolling to the skies at her typical response.
I was on rounds later when I received a message about an urgent case coming in from the ER. I checked the board and saw that my colleague, Doug Anders, was taking it. That gave me time to catch up on yesterday’s paperwork, but what a way to ruin a beautiful day – updating files.
As I walked back to my office I passed the scheduling board and saw that it was a quiet day for surgery. Just one new name had gone up and that was an elective procedure. I heard the lift doors open and the voices of the ER team as Anders’ patient arrived. There was a tall, dark haired guy with them who was obviously with the patient. He was told that he would have to wait, that he couldn’t go into the ER and his anxiety levels rocketed as he looked from side to side for somewhere to wait. I walked over to him and led him to the seating area.
“Are you friend or family?”
“Friend – known each other since we were kids.” His hands were shaking. “Is he going to be alright?”
“I’ll find out what I can. Are his next of kin on the way?”
“He only has his mom, and she’s back home in Chicago. We moved to Seattle for college and just stayed on here after.”
“Ok. What’s your name? I’ll send over a nurse to talk to you once we know more.”
“Emmett. Emmett McCarty.”
“And your friend’s name?”
“Edward Masen. He’s my bar manager. I’m listed as his emergency contact.”
And just like that, I couldn’t breathe.
~xxXxx~
