Carousels and Wishing Wells

My entry for Slash Backslash 4.0

Summary: A single passionate encounter with a beautiful stranger shines a stark light on Emmett’s existence, leaving him lost and alone in the days that follow. In despair, he reaches out to the wrong person to try to fill the hole in his soul.

Rating, Disclaimer & Warnings: Rated NC17 for slash content, language and one incident of non consensual activity within an act of consensual sex. All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer.

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Carousels and Wishing Wells

EmPOV

The attack had been scathing and come completely out of the blue – at least for me.

“You’re so fuckin’ clingy, Emmett!” He had thrown on his clothes, acting like the injured party. “It’s not like...” he pulled his shirt on, “we’re exclusive or anything.”

We weren’t? How come I didn’t know that?

Catching him in bed with some skinny guy, all long, blond hair and a smug smile, made my stomach lurch violently. I took one last look at Felix, all 6’5” of him, shaking with what appeared to be indignation, but in all likelihood was simply shock at being caught, and walked away without looking back.

I mentally wrote off the few belongings that I had kept at his place, not willing to face him again. After a year together, I still didn’t have a key and suddenly it was obvious to me why not. It was the oldest cliché in the book to turn up early and catch your lover balls deep in another guy, but I’d never thought I was that gullible as to be taken in by a player.

Fool.

I thought I could trust him, hadn’t he said that? Maybe he’d just said the right words to get me into bed.

Maybe there was no maybe.

It was so hot, even by the sea, and I walked down to the beach to see if the surfers were out, but there was no one around except a couple walking some distance away, hand in hand. It made my heart hurt to look. Despondent, I took off my shoes and walked through the surf, watching the water and the patterns it made. The waves rolled into shore, fizzing and hissing in a white water-woven carpet of lace, an endlessly eddying design that extended flowing tendrils of foam along the sand.

Pattern and colour soothed me as they always had. My mom had wanted me to pursue my artistic ability when I left school, telling me I had the eye, but I was an amateur, not good enough to get into art college and so I never applied.

Surfing was my escape. I had met Felix while out surfing one morning. The water was high, the waves rolling and perfect. We competed on each swell, eventually calling it a draw, laughing as we dried off and headed out for a drink together. If I let myself, I had no problems attracting men. I knew that being 6’2” and ripped got me plenty of offers. What it hadn’t gotten me was fidelity; apparently, because of the way I looked, others thought I had to be a heartless bastard.

They were so wrong.

So there I was thinking I had perhaps found myself a good man, one that appreciated the many facets of my personality, when in fact all that I had done was make myself available for him to take advantage of when in his proximity.

And ‘out of sight, out of mind’ was clearly the adage he lived by.

I walked further, not paying any heed to my destination. When I heard loud noises and generators I veered off the sand and climbed up the dunes to see a funfair setting up in the field across from the beach. I smiled to myself, happy memories of waltzers and paratroopers from my childhood urging me forward to take a look, to take refuge in happy thoughts. Walking across the sandy beach road, my damp feet gritty in my thongs, I watched the carnies hard at work, fixing cables and testing lights, and sighed as reality tarnished my childhood dream; to me, funfairs in the daytime always looked tawdry without the lights, the music and the razzmatazz. Under the harsh sunlight they looked shabby and sad, but come nightfall they took on a life of their own, and I resolved to return later to distract myself from the day’s events.

~0~

The fair was in full swing, music blaring loud enough to wake the dead. Kids and adults alike were shouting to be heard over the latest hot tracks thumping out of the speakers. Breathing in the mingled scents of popcorn, fries and hot diesel, I felt my whole body relax, my mind catapulted back to when I was a kid. I walked around the ground, looking at the rides both old and new, all filled with laughing, screaming thrill seekers. After completing a circuit, I found myself at the centrepiece in front of the gate, the oldest and most elaborate ride at the fair and my personal favourite. The beautiful golden gallopers on the carousel dating back to yesteryear were still as popular today. I was drawn to the wheezy strains of calliope music, the hypnotic rise and fall of the brightly painted horses, lights glinting off the ornate, glossy gold scrollwork.

I just loved carousels. Everything about them sang to me, the ornate and intricate paintwork, the quirky names of the horses, but more than that, the sheer vibrancy of the colours used throughout the entire design. The whole effect held me in thrall. As I stood watching the stately ride in motion I felt my mood lighten.

It slowed to a gradual halt, music fading, and the children streamed from the ride and headed off to other pleasures. A fresh wave of new riders took their places on the still warm wooden saddles and I smiled to myself, remembering that carefree excitement. Nowadays I just loved to appreciate the artistry and the craftsmanship.

Happy to just immerse myself in the sights and sounds, I almost missed him, but after my eyes found him I couldn’t look away. The way he weaved through the wooden horses taking fares, helping children up onto their steeds, I could see the obvious enjoyment he took in the simple act of running the ride. I watched for so long that I thought I caught a smile in my direction once or twice, but I could have imagined it.

Walking home, I hummed fairground music, lights and colours dancing behind my eyes.

The following evening I went back, compelled to return for one last look. This time I wandered amongst the booths, watching parents win cheap toys for excited children and buying them enormous hot dogs overloaded with relish and mustard. It was while I meandered around that I came across a wishing well set within a small fountain. The water filled the base and I saw the glint of coins in the shallow pool; a small sign to the side proclaimed it to be a lucky wishing well and that an offering would be sure to win favour with the fates.

What the hell.

Reaching into my pocket I found a quarter and gripped it tightly, closing my eyes to make my wish before throwing it into the water with a small splash. I breathed out slowly, hoping for a change in my future.

I heard a voice behind me and my heart rate sped up.

“What did you wish for?”

I turned slowly, not at all prepared for his warm smile. Where he stood, illuminated by the spinning, coloured lights from the waltzer, his beauty almost matched that of the carousel horses. He corrected himself with a shake of the head.

“No, don’t tell me else it won’t come true. So, are you here with anyone or do you just have an unhealthy obsession with wooden horses?”

I struggled to remain calm; his voice was low and cracked and I wanted to hear more. Clearing my throat, I answered.

“I love old carousels and came back tonight for another look. She’s a beauty.”

“She is, but you didn’t answer my question. Are you here with anyone?”

“No.” My mouth was dry.

“I’m glad. You know, you looked so entranced last night; your face was like a child’s. I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”

“I-“

He stepped forward and peered into the well.

“Looks like there were a few wishes made tonight. I hope you get yours.” He moved closer, his movements deliberate yet casual, nonthreatening. “I’m Edward.”

“Emmett.”

“Good to meet you, Emmett. Are you sticking around?”

“I was going to do a circuit and look at everything before I headed home. I don’t ride anymore, I just love the atmosphere.”

He looked disappointed.

“We don’t close for a few hours yet. I was hoping you’d meet me after...”

Disbelieving, I looked into eyes full of hope and knew my answer. I managed to gasp out one all-important word.

“Where?”

~0~

I prowled the fair, unable to settle in one place. Eventually, I bought a soda and made my way to the beach to wait. The sound of the sea calmed my jittery nerves and I sat listening to the waves lap at the pebbles.

I waited for an hour or so, hearing the screams of joy from the rides quieten, the hum of activity diminishing as it grew later and the parents took their children home. Now it was the turn of the older fair goers and the children’s rides would be silent, sitting quietly in all their splendour. The air soon filled with an almighty roar of music, rumbling tracks and engines, the thrill seekers lining up to ride again and again.

Hearing the clatter of pebbles behind me, I looked around in the half light to see Edward approaching, clutching something bulky under his arm.

“You waited.”

He sounded surprised to find me there; he had perhaps expected me to lose my nerve.

“What’s that?” I nodded to the roll of something under his arm.

“It’s a blanket. I figured these stones would be a little hard to sit on.” He sounded unsure of himself now.

“You’re not wrong.” I nodded down the sand. “Want to move down to the dunes? It’s sheltered there and softer underfoot.” I swallowed before going on, my voice low. “It’s a little more private too.”

His smile spread across his face.

“Sounds good.”

We settled down on the spread blanket, partially hidden by the beach grass. Neither of us spoke for a long moment and I swear I could hear my heartbeat thrumming in my ears.

“How long before they need you back?” I looked over to the fair, lights blazing in the distance.

“It gets quiet on the carousel at this time of night so I asked Sam to cover for me. He owes me a favour. We’ve got a couple of hours til closing... if that’s okay with you.”

His eyes met mine and I felt a punch to the chest. I could see they were blue, like the sea before us, and full of longing. When his fingers reached out to graze my face, I leaned in, hesitant at first, until our lips found each other. His sudden intake of breath told me that he felt it too – that moment of electricity that made every hair on my body stand to attention. Goose bumps flared over my skin at his touch, so careful, so tentative; I had to touch his hair to convince myself he was real and not some beautiful bronze haired statue.

Our lips moved, finding familiarity in need. He smelled faintly of fresh grass, hot diesel and candyfloss, scents that would forever after remind me of this night. We grew bolder, our kisses more hungry and insistent, wanting more.

How much more?

I had no idea where this was going, and I wasn’t about to stop and ask. At the very least I wanted to touch him, feel him in my mouth, to taste his sweet nectar. Hidden in the dunes, he eased me down on to the blanket, continuing his slow assault on my lips, stopping only to paint a trail of fire down my throat. Every so often he would return to capture my mouth again in a drugging kiss that felt as if he were trying to touch my soul. I felt a warm hand at the hem of my shirt, bunching up just enough fabric to expose my stomach, my abs toned from doing weights at the gym and hours of surfing. His words were muffled, his face against my skin.

“You’re in amazing shape. I think I might be a disappointment to you after seeing these.”

I shook my head then jumped when his tongue fluttered around my defined muscles, exploring each furrow, revelling in the seductive tease. Watching his tongue dance across my flesh, curling up at the tip at each leisurely sweep, made my cock harden shamefully fast and I wished I could hide it from him, prolong this exquisite agony longer. Of course, with his face so close he noticed, and looked up at me under his brows.

“You like that, huh?”

I almost laughed at the understatement, but my body was already screaming for his touch, for the feel of his tongue on my stiffened flesh. Kissing me again, he muttered against my lips,

“Take off the shirt, Emmett.”

It landed on the sand somewhere near my feet, forgotten instantly when his lips clasped a nipple, his tongue toying with the peak. My head fell back, my hands delving into his messy hair, weaving the soft strands around my fingers. A hand brushed over my bulging groin, scoping out the field of play. While his teeth nipped and tormented my stiff nipples, his fingers traced the outline of my flesh that strained for a more intimate touch. I was breathing heavily, my heels digging into the soft sand, my legs tensing.

“Edward, your shirt... show me...”

The words came out with some difficulty, but he understood enough to sit back on his heels, unbutton and slip off the over shirt and pull off the grey wife beater beneath. My hands reached for the tight torso before me, sculpted from the heavy work he did every day, and pulled him down on top of me. Crushing my mouth to his, I could feel his erection grind against mine, could feel the urgency begin to build despite the time we had to spare. My hand dropped to both knead his ass and force his body closer to mine and I was rewarded by a gasp, his hot breath against my cheek.

My cock was hard enough to hurt. Slipping my hand between our bodies, I loosened my belt and popped open the button allowing the zipper to slide down unaided. Edward grinned and frotted the rosy flesh escaping my underwear. I couldn’t stand it and reached for his zipper, eager to see him bare. Opening the cotton, I reached in and found him naked beneath, his warm flesh reaching out to my hand. Unable to resist, I massaged him until I saw pearly drops form on the head and then I pushed myself up on my elbows, meeting his gaze. He shuffled closer, pushing down the fabric to reveal him fully, and I leaned in for my first taste of him. My mouth filled with his warm, musky flavour and I set about worshipping his beautiful cock, its full plum head sitting on my tongue like it belonged while I swirled my tongue around to collect every drop of nectar that escaped. He rested his hand on the back of my neck for balance, never thrusting, never forcing himself deeper, simply allowing me to suck and taste him.

“Emmett – stop.” His breathing was laboured when he pulled out, his cock shiny and wet and delicious. “So good, need to stop for a minute.”

I looked at his face, now shadowed in the half light of the setting sun.

“Why stop? Let me make you come. I want to.”

His gaze flicked down to my aching cock, half out of my now damp underwear.

“It’s not enough. It’s not fair. What do you want, Emmett? This isn’t all about me.”

My mind reeled. I was used to Felix taking what he wanted from me and maybe making me feel good too. But not always.  I pushed thoughts of him away. Edward was looking at me, his head on one side.

“I... all I could think about was sucking you. I didn’t get much further than that.” I half laughed, awkwardly.

Shaking his head in amusement, he reached down and pulled at my pant legs, freeing me completely. Lying down next to me, his hand stroked my flesh as he leaned in to kiss me.

“We can do whatever you want, but I do want to suck you first.”

I moaned loudly when his warm mouth engulfed me, the head of my cock brushing the roof of his mouth. He didn’t take me deep, but he didn’t need to when his hand was massaging my balls to great effect, watching my reactions under his lashes. My hand rested on his bicep while he worked me and all too soon his flickering tongue was pushing the emergency button in my brain. I stroked his face to get his attention.

“I’m close.”

He released me from his torturous, talented lips, one last tongue flicker almost pushing me over the brink.

Pulling himself back up alongside me, I kissed him long and slow before looking him deep in the eyes.

“I have a condom in my wallet.”

I bit my lip, unsure of whether he wanted that or whether I was coming off desperate. His breath caught.

“You’re sure?” He sounded surprised.

Reaching for my jeans, I found the condom and lube packet I kept tucked inside. It has been in case of spontaneous moments with Felix but the evidence proved that they had been few and far between. Edward took them and looked around for a moment before grabbing his jeans and mine, rolling them up together to make a cushion to place under my hips. I realised why when he dropped his head between my thighs and licked me experimentally, his tongue fluttering delicately over my hole to gauge my reaction. I pulled my legs up to give him room, his hands resting on my ass cheeks while his tongue circled and lapped, waiting for me to relax enough for him to push inside.

It felt damn good and my low moan of pleasure encouraged him onward. By the time he moved away, I was a writhing mass of need. Hands glided up my abdomen, his cock sliding along mine. Flexing his hips, he mimicked exactly what I needed and I gasped, my breathing laboured. Pressing a kiss to my throat, he leaned in to whisper.

“Put the condom on for me. Be careful of sand when you add the lube.”

I nodded, tearing open the packet and unrolling so very carefully down his swollen length. I squeezed the contents of the lube packet into my hand and coated him well.

“Hold out your hand, Emmett.”

He scooped up some of the lube and spread it around my hole, pushing some inside with careful fingers before positioning himself at my entrance. Looking down at me, I saw his self restraint when he paused.

“Are you ready?”

I nodded dumbly, my eyes fixed on his. Touching his cock to my hole I forced myself to relax, expecting the usual pain of entry. What I didn’t expect was the gentle push and pause as each inch eased into me so very slowly, allowing me time to adjust and enjoy the experience. He was respectful, exerting a slow, steady pressure enabling my body to open up and accept him. Once fully seated inside me he didn’t move, instead he leaned down to kiss me deeply, keeping our bodies intimately joined. I could feel every part of him both outside and in; for the first time in my life I felt like an equal in this private act, neither one of us in charge.

The kiss broke, both of us exhaling loudly. His voice was unexpectedly tender.

“Okay?”

Breathless, I touched his lips with my finger and smiled my answer.

He moved then, withdrawing carefully to begin with before finding a rhythm that worked for us.  Feeling him glide into me, each movement so smooth and controlled, was a revelation. My hands found his ass and set a pace that I enjoyed, not too fast, and together we began the climb to the top of the volcano. My cock was hard against my stomach, jerking with each delicious thrust, and I resolved not to touch myself until absolutely necessary. With my hips raised, his body was aligned with mine and pressure started to build. His movements began to quicken, his eyes seeking out mine, making sure I was there with him.

My words were uttered under my breath, a hiss almost drowned out by the waves.

“Edward... yes...”

“Touch yourself, Emmett; let me see you.”

My hand left his ass and found my aching flesh, a pool of pre come on my stomach. Pushing myself up on my elbow, I lifted my face to his as I worked my flesh, claiming his lips just as I orgasmed hugely, my groan muffled by his lips that held me captive. His thrusts grew more erratic and, hands on my waist, he suddenly stilled before letting out a cry of surrender, his body pulsing within me. Releasing my lips, he collapsed on top of me and my arms wound around him, wanting to keep him close, to prolong this miraculous experience for as long as I could before reality intruded and stole him from me.

Afterward, we lay together, touching and stroking each other’s arms and body, the anticipated awkwardness dissipating with each tender kiss. It was with exceptional reluctance that we reached for clothing when I wanted nothing more than to take him home and spend the night exploring every inch of that glorious body, to elicit cries of pleasure from those reddened lips.

Instead I had to let him go.

~0~

I woke the following morning, my first thought being of Edward and what we had shared in the shadowy dunes. Our groans had been masked by the music and the roar of the generators, just a few feet away from the flashing lights and excitement.

I stretched and padded through to the shower, freshening up after the heat of the previous night. I was surprised I had slept as well as I had, but I guessed sexual satisfaction had had a great deal to do with it. I felt a little embarrassed as I dried myself – it wasn’t my style to have sex with strangers, but Edward was just....undeniable.

The heat of his mouth, his skilled tongue...

I was already half hard at the memory.

When I returned to the fairground I founded it deserted - no sign of them save for flattened grass and wheel tracks from the transporter trucks.

He was gone.

~0~

A couple of months after the fair left town there was a knock at my door. I quickly dressed, hair damp from the shower after my morning surf, pulling on a tee and some cut offs before running downstairs. Pulling open the door I stopped dead, not believing what I saw.

“Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

Felix leaned against the door frame, blocking out the sun and I paled. He didn’t move, his eyes searching for a response.

“What do you want?”

“To talk.”

Against my better judgement, I backed away from the door, allowing him in. He stood in the hallway waiting for me to invite him into the lounge room and I found myself frozen to the spot, not knowing what this was all about.

“So what’s with the unscheduled visit? Leave something here? Oh wait, you would never come here would you – we always had to go to your place.”

I knew I sounded bitter and at that moment I didn’t care.

Looking around the door to the lounge room, he pointed.

“Can we sit?”

I followed him in, sitting across the room. He sighed.

“I came to say I’m sorry, Emmett. Sorry for not telling you I was seeing Cay as well. I just didn’t think want to be tied to just one guy, you know? You two are so different and it made it exciting for me to experience both of you.”

I swallowed hard, feeling the sour taste of betrayal all over again.

“Cay didn’t care who else I fucked so long as he got what he needed. I thought that maybe you saw other people too.” He shrugged. “It never occurred to me to ask.”

“More like you knew what my answer would be and didn’t want to rock the boat. You are a selfish prick, Felix.”

“The thing is, it wasn’t until you saw me with Cay that I understood just how much I wanted to be with you. I’m not seeing him anymore, Emm. I want us to give it another try. I’ll be faithful to you if that’s what you want, what you need for us to be together. I just want you back.”

He sounded sincere. Openly discussing feelings wasn’t a strong point for Felix and a small part of me wondered if he could change, and if I could get past the pain of his betrayal. Felix was still talking.

“I’ll be honest – Cay meant nothing to me. I was just getting my rocks off in a hot piece of ass. It wasn’t what we had and I miss that. I know I ruined it but let me make it right? Please, Emmett?”

He walked over to me and dropped to his knees, his hands on my thighs. A part of me wanted to slap his hands away, to tell him to leave, but a lost, lonely part of me wanted him to continue, craving comfort in some form. Sensing my conflict, he slid his hands higher until they reached my groin, tracing the length of my sleeping cock through the threadbare denim. It quickly began to swell, pressing uncomfortably against the zipper since I’d only had no time to pull on underwear under my cut offs before answering the door. Part of me didn’t want him to touch me, but I found myself pushing into his hand regardless, seeking friction and warmth. The zipper slid down and he freed me through the gap in the fly, my cock standing to attention, a bead of pre come like a tiny pearl at the tip. My balls ached trapped inside the denim, and he roughly squeezed them causing clear fluid to trickle down my shaft. Any thoughts of stopping him disappeared when he gripped the base of my cock firmly and sank down taking me all the way into the back of his mouth and the opening of his throat. I was ashamed at how needy I was; it had been too long since I had felt anyone’s touch, too long since Edward...

I squeezed my eyes shut to block out the memory of his blue eyes, the feel of his tongue lapping at my flesh as Felix swallowed my cock, working me hard and fast, dragging my orgasm from me. When I cried out, he pulled back just enough so that I could watch my come coating his tongue; staring into his green eyes I saw no emotion, only the faintest glimmer of triumph, and a small shiver ran through me.

I watched him swallow my generous deposit before pushing himself to his feet.

“I’ll call you in a couple of days – it’ll give you time to think it over, okay?”

I nodded robotically and watched him leave, hearing the door close quietly. It struck me that he hadn’t even tried to kiss me throughout the whole encounter. As I lay back in the armchair, my cock still gently twitching against my thigh, I wondered what the fuck I should do now.

~0~

True to his word, a couple of days later he called me and we met up at his place. Seeing his bedroom again brought back the memory of the blond guy, Cay, his name is Cay, and I struggled with that even as I felt his mouth on my neck, his breath in my ear. When he turned me around to take me from behind, I felt a sense of relief; this way the encounter could be anyone... it could be Edward. He spread my cheeks and I heard him moan appreciatively at the sight of my tight entrance. He took his time, spreading me wide with his thumbs, not breaching me until I pushed back against him. I sighed with relief when I felt lube drip into me, fingers smearing it around my relaxing sphincter. He had gone in dry once, too keen to wait and too drunk to care, and I had suffered badly as a result. I felt him push into me, felt the familiar sting when his mushroom head breached the tight ring, and then relaxed as he slid in all the way, my musculature re familiarizing itself with the size and shape of his cock.

As he set a comfortable rhythm, my body responded as it always did, but my mind... my mind struggled to reconcile this with a heated encounter in the grassy dunes, the sound of carousel music in the air. The thought of Edward, of how good his body had felt with mine, made my cock harden painfully. Felix saw my reaction and laughed.

“Hitting the spot for you, Em? Let me feel you come around my dick. Remember the time you soaked the pillows, you came so hard? Let’s see if we can do that again.”

He pounded into me and I let my fantasy take me away. It was Edward’s hands on my body, his cock in my ass, his low voice whispering in my ear whilst he brought me to the peak of pleasure.

For you, Edward, all for you.

The thought of his voice, his lips, and his body all combined to produce a powerful orgasm that Felix on his own could never have elicited. I screamed, biting my tongue to not call out Edward’s name while I pumped jet after jet of come over the covers and pillow, my knees buckling beneath me. It was only being joined to Felix that stopped me from collapsing completely onto the soiled linen. I felt him fill the condom, his body pulsing at odds with my own. It was a relief when he pulled out of me and I could relax, my cock still dribbling, my balls drained. 

I felt a stinging slap on my ass.

“Damn, I always forget just how tight you are. Fucking awesome.”

And yet you still fucked someone else, so not that awesome after all.

I felt him roll off the bed and heard the sticky sound of latex being removed. For the first time in my life, despite having just had a full body orgasm, I felt dirty and guilty. I had used the memory of my time with Edward to get off and in the process had sullied the one good sexual experience I had had in a long time.

The next couple of times he called, I didn’t answer. I needed time to get my head straightened out before I saw him again. The feelings I’d had for him had gone and all that remained was a lingering feeling of sadness. Once the trust was gone it could never be regained, and I knew that I had to see him one more time to tell him that we were through. This freak show of a relationship couldn’t go on.

My opportunity came the following week when I came home from surfing to find him waiting on the beach for me. I tried to explain how I felt, that I didn’t have those feelings for him anymore and I thought he would be relieved to be rid of someone he saw as ‘clingy’, but he looked at me so strangely.

“Emmett, give me one more chance to make it up to you. We can always try something new to get the fire burning again; just don’t give up on us. Please?”

He sounded contrite and I felt myself waver despite my earlier resolve. We had been together, in one way or another, for over a year and I was still at odds with the thought of ending it without hearing him out. We walked back to my place without further conversation and he waited to be invited in. However, once the door closed he wasted no time in trying to seduce me and I froze, not wanting to continue where this was headed.

“Felix... can’t we talk? I think we need to sort this out.”

He persisted, pressing kisses along my throat, nipping at my neck while his hands roamed over my back and ass.

“Let me make you feel good.” His words purred into my ear, relaxing my body a fraction. “Let our bodies talk, Emmett. We were always so good together.”

Closing my eyes tight I tried to make my peace with it, to remember a time when it had been good and wonderful and I had loved him unconditionally; a time before he broke my heart and betrayed my trust. Taking my silence as acquiescence, he pulled open my shorts, tugging my cock out into the air. While my mind fought indecision and confusion, my body obeyed only pleasure; hardening in his grip, once again I was merely his puppet, my mind no longer my own.  

Stopping his worship of my neck, he drew me towards the stairs, leading me by my erection. I took him to my bedroom and fell back on the bed when he pushed me down, desperate to take me into his throat. Pleasure blurred common sense and I thrust up into his mouth, eager for the pleasure of his persuasive tongue. In no time at all he had my legs up, a bottle of lube open by the bed. I dimly noted that he was still dressed and fumbled at his zipper, the sex haze making me hungry to be filled. When I freed him, fumbling with the fabric, he was fully hard and in a matter of moments had rolled on the condom and slicked himself with lube. Alarm bells rang when he didn’t even attempt to open me up, to prepare me in any way. I opened my mouth to stop him but he thrust in without warning, sending searing pain tearing through my body.

I couldn’t breathe for a moment, my body automatically tightening to expel him as I finally let out a cry of pain. Looking up, I saw madness in his eyes; in that moment, fear purged my system of pleasure. Whatever was happening in Felix’s mind, I knew then that I wasn’t going to be able to stop him.

And I was right.

Hands found my throat and tightened, thumbs pressing into my windpipe.

Pinned to the bed by his body, I fought against him, my arms flailing as I struggled for air. Clawing and slapping at the hands around my throat had no effect on his grip and I weakened quickly, my lungs screaming for precious oxygen.

“Relax, Emm.”

His cock plunged in and out of my hole and I could tell he was enjoying this new game.

 “Come on, Emm, we’ve played rough before. Just get into it. Let it happen.”

Let it happen? When the fuck did we discuss cutting off my air supply?

My cock was soft as butter, any arousal I might have been feeling when we started this now washed away by sheer panic. Spots darkened my eyes, my oxygen intake almost nil. When he sped up his thrusts I prayed for this to be over quickly; feeling him still, I waited for his groan before making one final effort to push him off. This time he rolled away from me, leaving me bruised and traumatised, my throat whistling as I tried to gulp down lungfuls of air.

Making my way shakily to the bathroom, I saw the angry, red finger marks on my throat, likely to purple very soon. My head throbbed and my chest burned with the effort of stabilising my oxygen intake; I tried to steady myself, to calm the effects of the adrenalin coursing through my system. When Felix had said he wanted to try something new, I had had no idea that he meant choking. He knew damn well I wasn’t into that kind of play and I was furious and hurt that he had taken advantage of my easygoing nature to just go ahead and experiment without asking me. I thanked the gods that he had at least lubed his cock before he tore into me.

“You didn’t come.”

He appeared in the mirror behind me, and I dragged my blazing eyes up to meet his, my voice a mere croak, rough as ground glass.

“You’re actually surprised?”

“I thought you might like it. We’ve played rough before.”

“We’ve used restraints and paddles before. All your idea not mine, I might add.” I touched my throat. “You never mentioned shit like this.”

His face showed not even the slightest flicker of remorse.

“I had fun and I reckon you will next time.”

Ice water ran in my veins.

“There won’t be a next time, Felix, I can promise you that.”

“Of course there will,” he sneered. “Don’t be such a pussy, Emmett. It’s just sex. Cay loves it when I choke him – it makes him come for like five minutes straight. Now come back to bed and let me suck you off. You know you love that.”

He loves it? You bastard – you’re still fucking him after everything you said.

Summoning my courage, I stared him straight in the eye.

“Get the fuck out.”

He smirked.

“Please yourself.” He turned away before adding a parting shot. “I’ll see you soon.”

He disappeared back in the bedroom for his clothes and shortly afterward I heard his feet on the staircase followed by the front door closing. I climbed into the shower intending to scrub myself clean of him, but simply sank to the tile under the cascading water, my head pounding in my hands.

~0~

When I finally pulled myself together, I dressed and headed over to talk to the one person who would listen – my sister, Alice.

She opened the door, all smiles for her big brother. I hated how quickly I wiped that smile away with just one look.

Sitting me down, she perched next to me, gazing anxiously at my face until I met her eyes and started to talk. I knew that she had not liked Felix, but had tolerated him for me. He had done his level best to avoid having any contact with my friends and family; looking back, less involvement had probably made it easier for him to have multiple partners without discovery. Alice was almost impossible not to love, and the fact that he had dismissed her when they were introduced that lit a fire in Alice that could not be easily extinguished, and now... now she had actual evidence that she had been right in her evaluation of him.

‘He’s a loser, Emmett. He’ll hurt you and I don’t want that for you. Leave him – please - before it’s too late’.

The thing about Alice was that she had the face of an angel, and the tenacity of a mountain lion. When I had done telling her about his cheating, she was set to go after him and tear him into bite sized chunks with her bare hands.

That was before I told her about the rest.

To my shame, I broke down while I haltingly explained the day’s events. So gentle, she examined my neck to see the ugly marks already purpling. Pulling me into a hug, she held me until I cried it all out – the pain, the shock and the humiliation. Alice soothed me even as she told me I was a fuckwit to have ever trusted him again after the first time. I agreed with her, hindsight being a beautiful thing. Looking me in the eye, she stared intently.

“You. Will. Never. Speak. To. Him. Again. Ever. Promise me. Never again.”

This time, I promised to do as she asked, except for one thing. She wanted me to see a doctor, but I refused, afraid that the cops would become involved.

“Emm, no matter how you look at it, he assaulted you. You should get checked out.”

“No, Ali, no. Working from home has its advantages - I’ll stay inside until the marks heal.”

“What about the other? Are you... are you bleeding, Emm?”

I looked down, utterly humiliated to have to talk about this with my baby sister.

“No,” my voice was faint, “everything is okay there. I’m just in some discomfort that will pass in a few days. It was fortunate that he at least used lube. Not like before.”

Last time, Alice had taken me to the ER, refusing to take no for an answer. The docs had sutured a small tear and I had abstained from sex for some time. I hadn’t seen much of Felix during that period; he had claimed to be working long hours while I was indisposed. Looking back, I supposed he had simply moved on to a toy he hadn’t yet broken.

I stayed the night at my sister’s, letting her fuss around me and feeling our mother’s love emanate from her tiny form.

If it hadn’t been for Alice I don’t know if I would have had to strength to keep moving forward, the strength to ever again trust someone new.

 ~0~

  

It was a few months later that I saw a poster for the fall fair.

I stood and gazed at the flyer, my heart aching.

I knew I would go just to get one last glimpse of him on the carousel, that easy smile reassuring his young patrons as he helped them onto their steeds. I would go to reminisce about a night of gentle passion on an empty beach under the stars, a fleeting moment in time when we lay on the sand, serenaded by the both the carousel and the soft song of the sea.

I would go to remember us.

I had kept my promise to Alice; I had ignored all messages from Felix and had changed from surfing with the morning tide to riding the evening waves instead. He seemed to have gotten the message at last and it had been over two months since he had attempted contact.

I finally felt free of him.

It was late and the fair was in full swing, music pumping from the speakers. Looking up at the brightly lit carousel, I saw another guy operating the ride with no sign of Edward. I felt my stomach tighten, my need to see him stronger then I realised.

I made my way past the rides and the food vendors until I stood, once again, before the wishing well.

“What are you wishing for this time?”

The voice behind me was hesitant, hopeful, and I couldn’t control my smile, relief washing over me.

“Nothing at all.”

“No?”

“There’s no need. You’re right here.”

Turning around I saw Edward’s beautiful face lit by the flashing lights from the waltzer. His worldly goods were bagged at his feet, ready to leave and start a new life away from the fair.

A new life with me.

His smile was like coming home.

~0~

Thank god he had seen me in the street that day, standing reading the flyer. Thank god he had approached me, somewhat nervously as if I might have forgotten who he was and what we had shared.

I had been under no illusion that Edward would want or even remember me when I revisited the fair. To meet him so unexpectedly brought unconscious feelings of betrayal to the surface; it was as if by returning to Felix I had deliberately tried to erase the memory of that one wonderful encounter from my memory.  To see him standing before me, a vision of unruly hair and a smile to stop traffic, I had simply gazed at him for a moment before nodding, my own smile breaking through the fog of heartbreak that had surrounded me since he left town.

I had walked with him, watching him staple flyers to lamp posts and phone poles. When he was done he had asked me to go for coffee, and that was how we found ourselves in a small cafe, talking about our lives whilst two tall blacks cooled unnoticed beside us.

At some point during the discussion, I had seen Edward’s hand reach for mine and watched our fingers curl together. Electricity had crackled when eyes as blue as the ocean depths had gazed into mine; in that moment I was lost, once again hearing murmured words of desire whilst the carousel played on.

The conversation had stalled abruptly.

“Emmett? I’ve thought about you every day.”  I had watched him take in what appeared to be a calming breath that he let out noisily. “I don’t want to go away again for months on end and not see you. I – I want to be near you, with you. Would that be something you might want too?”

My ugly insecurities had made their presence known.

“You want to be with me? Why?”

He had looked confused and stricken at my words.

“I can’t forget you. If it was merely a one night stand for you then tell me now, please, before I fall for you.”

The absurdity of that statement had had a small smile tugging at my lips.

“Can you surf, Edward?”

“No, but you could teach me.” His face had creased in a smile so genuine that I had wondered how I could ever have trusted another. “Right now I’d like to go watch the sun set over the ocean.”

My heart had sped up when he looked at me under his lashes. Standing, I had held out my hand.

“Let’s go.”

In our spot, lying in the safety of his arms, I had felt his lips in my hair as we watched the sun light the ocean on fire.

“I have to go back, Emmett, to help with pull down and loading. We’ll be here in two days time. I’ll tell them tonight that I won’t be moving on with them after that. They’ll find some casual labour at the next stop – there are always guys needing work.”

I had tilted my head back and looked up at him.

“You’re sure you want to quit your job?”

“I’ll find something else. I can’t leave you again, I’ve just found you. I was using the job as a reason to keep moving, to not put down any roots. A bad upbringing does that to you, but now everything’s changed - everything’s new. Suddenly there’s the possibility of more, a real future. Am I making sense?”

“Completely.”

His lips then moulded to mine, fingers skating down my face; I had pressed in close, his touch like nourishment to my soul. When the kiss broke, both of us a little breathless, he had whispered to me as if the sea herself might be listening:

“Meet me at the wishing well?”

My eyes closed, I nuzzled into his neck.

“I’ll be waiting.”

The End

~0~