Let the Rain Come Down - ch6

Okay, so I may have underestimated how much story there was between the end of the last chapter and Christmas. As a result, rather than post one enormous chapter, I am breaking it up into two. The second one will be posted on Christmas Eve as soon as it’s ready.

The church group mentioned in this chapter is based on a rather well known organisation that, in Britain at least, will not help people who do not conform to their views on family and relationships. I speak as someone who has witnessed their discrimination first hand. However, please do not assume that I am tarring all other religious organisations with the same brush. This is fiction after all.

Disclaimer: All characters owned and created by Stephenie Meyer.

This chapter is unbeta’ed – any errors are mine and I apologise in advance.

See you tomorrow! (Never thought I’d be typing THAT).

~o.O.o~

Chapter 6

Edward’s POV

Jasper was so happy when I told him about my day, and about Jupiter.  When I tried to explain about how people had looked at me differently, he had pulled me into a hug and just held me, understanding how monumental it was for people like us to be treated like normal citizens just going about their day. If only we could make people see that just because we occupied the lowest rung on the ladder of society, it didn’t mean we didn’t crave acknowledgment. The best Christmas gift they could give us was to see us and not look the other way.

The news about Christmas dinner had made Jasper as excited as it had me. He would be coming with me and we would spend the holiday together, in a warm place with food and company and holiday spirit. Truly what the season was all about.

December had arrived, Christmas lights were everywhere and the daylight seemed to be fading by the time I ate my lunch. On average, I was getting two shifts a week at Happy Tails, mostly with Jupiter which suited me just fine. He and I had bonded, and he was an obedient and exceptionally intelligent dog to have as a companion. One day I hoped to own one just like him.

That week was a flurry of activity for me. With Christmas approaching, the market was busier than ever and I earned extra cash just by being a spare pair of hands. I stayed near my friends’ stands and they made sure my services were offered at every opportunity to carry bags and goods. I had no time to be bored and was tired and hungry by the time I headed home each night, my pockets heavier with coins than usual. Squirrelling away every cent I could meant the rent was covered and we could supplement our meagre food rations with extras such as the biggest jar of Jas’ beloved peanut butter that I could afford. When our rations ran low, I planned to visit the community kitchen again to get us through the holiday season. The market would be closed for a few days and with no work, I needed to make sure we had enough food at home.

Jasper was feeling much stronger and was getting out of bed to walk around and get a little exercise. Our room was so cold that the only way he could keep warm the rest of the time was to stay in bed despite wanting to do more. Much as I didn’t want him going outside in the cold when the doctor had said he shouldn’t, he insisted on a few minutes outside each day to get some fresh air, making sure he was well wrapped up while I fussed like a clucky mother hen. I saw his grin and knew he secretly loved the attention, not arguing when I bundled him back inside. I didn’t want him overdoing it now.

One afternoon I made my way to the second soup kitchen across town to see if we could get some additional help. When I arrived, the people in charge spotted me as someone they hadn’t seen before and asked me where I was staying. I said I had lived rough and now slept in an unheated room with my friend who was sick and couldn’t work. I explained that I had a part time job – after all, there was every chance someone could have seen me at the market on any given day and I wasn’t about to pretend. I said that we had no money left for food once we had paid for our room and I hoped that we could have a little food to fill our stomachs in this bitter weather.

I was told that we needed to attend to get food, and so I asked if I could take some food home, but they said no, that wasn’t the arrangement here. My face fell. I didn’t want to eat without Jasper, it wasn’t right to fill my belly and have his empty. I thought about accepting their offer and hopefully pocketing any bread or cake that came from my meal to take home, but then something happened that stunned me. A man came up behind the woman I was speaking to and muttered something in her ear, staring at me the whole time. Her face changed then, and I saw that the offer was no longer on the table. The man spoke.

“I’ve seen you before, with a curly haired boy. You were on a bus. I clearly saw you kiss him and hold his hand. We are a church group as I’m sure you know, and that sort of lifestyle is simply unacceptable. We won’t support it or you. Please leave.”

And there we were thinking it would be Jasper’s job they objected to. Instead it was Jasper and me that horrified them.

I turned and left with my head down, walking home feeling sickened and a little shaky. All we had asked for was to be treated like humans, but discrimination came in many forms and I knew that nothing would change their blinkered view of the world. We had somewhere we were welcome and could get a meal, and we would be fine. I tried to cheer myself up, but the day hadn’t done with me yet.

When I arrived home to tell Jasper the news, the room was empty as was the bathroom. I kept on my coat and headed back out, expecting to see Jasper somewhere outside getting a little air, but there was no sign. I walked a little farther down the road to where I had first met Jasper and that’s when I saw him, mercifully wearing his, albeit unbuttoned, too-thin jacket, getting out of a station wagon. When it had pulled away out of sight, I watched him sag against the wall and ran to him, fear burning my chest.

“Jasper!”

He saw me and his face fell. I saw then a real sense of self-loathing, something I had never seen in his eyes before. Jasper was a proud man, refusing to be apologetic for the things he did, but now I saw it, clear as day. I reached him and pulled him into my arms for support, his breathing laboured without a warm scarf across his pallid face.

“Love, what were you thinking? Come on, let’s get you home.”

He clung to me and I walked him inside, flicking on the heater to take the edge off the chill, and sat him down in the chair in front of it to soak up as much warmth as he could. At least constant activity kept me feeling warm, but to go from being in bed for weeks to standing outside not wearing nearly enough clothes was insanity. I fetched the blanket from the bed and wrapped it around him, hugging him to me until the heater was hot. I put some water on to boil, and crouched in front of him.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was quiet, his head down. “I just wanted to help with the money.” His chilled hand touched my face, his words a crackling whisper. “You work so hard all day, sometimes for nothing, and I knew that I could really help if I got back to work. But I swear I never wanted you to see me with a client, ever. It makes what I do too real. I can forget when it’s just me, but then I saw your face…” His wan face and noisy breathing told me the rest. I gripped his hands.

“It was too soon, Jas. Don’t frighten me like that. You’re not better yet, and you can’t risk getting sicker. I can’t bear the thought of that. I need you. Everything I do is for us, to make our lives better.” I shrugged, feeling helpless. “So I work long hours for not very much, but it won’t always be like this. I’m just getting started and I couldn’t have done it without you, so I need you to promise me, right now, that you will get better properly before you even think about going back out there again.”

My voice wobbled. What I wanted to say was that he was not to do that anymore, and that I would find a way of supporting us if need be so that no one could ever use him again, but I knew that wasn’t my choice to make. It was Jasper’s way of life and had been for some time now. He maintained he had control, that he made the decisions about what happened to his body, and I knew he was right. What I had been through coloured the way I saw his work, and it meant I struggled to come to terms with it, knowing that he derived no pleasure from the acts he performed; in that way at least our experiences paralleled. I also understood that it was up to him to choose when and if he wanted to stop.

I realised that whereas he had worked every day since we had met and I had had no choice but to accept it, now that he had been away from the streets for several weeks I loathed the thought of him going back out there. For me, his work had been fading into the distance, something to be consigned to the past where it belonged.

Reality was a harsh and cruel mistress.

To hold myself together and stop thinking about it, I looked at his hands, turning them over, inspecting them for grazes. He knew what I was doing.

“It’s okay, he fucked me in the back of his car. At least it was warm in there. Better than the alternative.”

“Did he hurt you?” My eyes were squeezed shut when I uttered the words, my fingers still holding his.

“It was okay, love. I had some lube and he used it. He didn’t have much time and wasn’t in the mood to be patient, let’s just say. Could have been worse. I’ve had much worse.”

I nodded, unable to speak for a moment. Pushing myself up through the balls of my feet, I leaned in and kissed his chilled lips, lingering to warm them, knowing that no one got to touch them but me.

“I’ll go boil more water and we’ll get you into a warm bath, okay?”

He nodded, letting go of my hands and reaching into his jacket.

“For better or worse, we have another sixty dollars for rent.” He handed me the money and I took it, adding it to the notes under the mattress. “Are we okay for this week?”

I nodded, showing him the money we had. His eyes widened. We had enough for the following week as well. My extra time at the market had paid off with the busy shoppers taking full advantage of having a pack mule to fetch and carry. The best part was that the spirit of the season that opened their pocket books as well as their hearts, and I was getting tipped in dollars rather than cents. Plus two shifts a week from Tanya had boosted funds when every cent was precious. With Christmas coming up, there would be days where I wouldn’t be earning and rent still needed to be paid.

“You earned all that? I had no idea.” He shook his head. “Did you at least get something to eat this morning at the other place? I was hoping they might have given you a sandwich or something if they wouldn’t let you take food away.”

I didn’t want to tell him. I didn’t want to ever give him bad news. My back to him, I busied myself with the hot water, pouring it into the bath and boiling more, the steam filling the air around us and misting up the window. The wall beneath it was streaked with what looked like years’ worth of water marks.

“Edward? What is it?”

I turned, fingers raking my hair, and dragged my eyes up to meet his.

“They threw me out.”

“What? Why?” I watched tiny dots of angry pink rise in his cheeks. “They wouldn’t let you eat because of me? Because of what I do? Is that it?” His indignation cut off into a rasping cough. I swallowed hard and shook my head, filling a glass of water and passing it to him. He sipped at it, trying to ease his throat. I hoped we had some honey left.

“No, that’s not it. I told them the barest minimum and they asked a lot of questions, unlike the other place. But then some guy came up and said he saw us on the bus when I took you to see the doctor. He said our lifestyle wasn’t something they were prepared to accept and he told me to leave. I’m so sorry, Jasper. I tried.” I cleared my throat. “I really thought…” I felt my eyebrows knit together, the humiliation of the event taking more of a toll than I had envisaged. “Anyway, we’re okay, we don’t need their ‘acceptance’. We have food, and we’re always welcome at the kitchen where Esme volunteers.”

The water began to burble and I poured some into mugs, adding coffee to mine. Scrabbling around on our one shelf I found the honey jar and added a teaspoon of the remaining contents to Jasper’s mug. The rest of the water went into the bath and I refilled the pan and set it down to boil again, the simple action helping to channel my anger and hurt.

I wasn’t angry with Jasper. He had done what he thought was best, thinking he felt well enough. Getting into an argument would serve no purpose because he already felt ill, having realised his own mistake. If it meant a couple of extra days in bed then so be it – lesson learned. Right now all I cared about was warming him up and washing him clean as a newborn again before we went to bed. With no way of cooking a meal while I was boiling water for the bath, I used some of the water to prepare two of the instant noodle snack pots from our dwindling supplies, stirring them until they were ready to eat.

He slurped his noodles and sipped his hot honey, warming up in front of the heater while I filled the bath with enough water to do the job. When it was ready, and we had eaten our meagre supper, I helped him undress and get into the water, seeing his discomfort when he sat down before the warm water soothed his body. I rolled up my sleeves and soaked a washcloth, squeezing water over his shoulders and back, running the cloth across his smooth skin. The soap slithered between my hands, finally forming a thin lather. I ran my slippery hands around his shoulders and neck, using my fingers across his tight muscles and trying to loosen them a little. I was a clumsy novice, but Jasper’s eyes were closed, his head drooping forward with each rhythmic stroke of my thumbs. I worked my way down his back with gentle motions before reaching around and soaping his chest and abdomen, his head now resting back on my shoulder. The only sounds in the room were the crackling of the soap suds, the gentle splash of the cloth into the water and the pitter-pat of droplets dripping back into the tub. It was peaceful and I relished moments like this. I rinsed off the soap from his body with my hands, wetting the cloth to wash his face, holding the warm cloth to his cheeks and forehead until the blood warmed beneath my fingers and his skin regained a little of its healthy pink hue.

I kissed his temple before whispering into his ear:

“I’m going to wash your hair.”

The soft hum of agreement made me smile. He loved it when I washed his hair, and I knew it. His head tilted back into my hand, I wetted his curls with cupfuls of water before clicking open the shampoo bottle and squeezing a small amount onto his crown. The action of massaging it into his hair felt comforting, my thumbs rubbed circles into his scalp, my nails scratching ever so slightly, and Jasper’s body went limp, little moans caught in his throat on each breath out. I supported his head while I rinsed the suds from his curls, making sure to get him squeaky clean, squeezing the water from his locks. I reached for a tiny hand towel and dabbed his face and neck dry, rough drying his hair.

His sleepy eyes cracked open, and I leaned in and kissed him then, feeling his lips capture mine. I caught my breath when the kiss broke and I held up a larger towel for him to wrap himself in and get himself dry and dressed for bed. I hung up the wet towel over the curtain rail to hopefully dry in the still warm air of the room, and flipped off the heater before getting Jasper into bed to conserve the heat from the bath.

A last minute change of heart had me climbing into the lukewarm water for a quick scrub down and hair wash before joining him in bed, our hair still a little damp, pillows covered with our one other, very threadbare, towel. He looked at me for a long moment, yellow light filtering in from the street through the window above our bed, casting a pale glow into the room. His words were unexpected yet staggering.

“You let me see you tonight. When you bathed. That’s the first time you haven’t closed the curtain. I’m sorry that I looked, but have you any idea just how beautiful you are?”

My mouth opened and closed, my brow furrowed and my brain scrabbled in its cage trying to formulate a response. He watched me, saw my confusion, and touched his thumb to my cheek in reassurance.

“It’s okay, Edward. If you don’t want me to look, I won’t. I get it, I do.”

I shook my head and, with a dry mouth, I asked the question I had wanted to ask for so long, my eyes pinched shut with embarrassment while I stumbled over the words.

“Have-have you ever had any… experience… sex… with someone you cared about? Someone important? I just… I just want to know if it feels different. If it’s…good?”

He pushed himself over onto his side and winced a little, looking down at me. I was so insecure and scared that he would wonder why I asked him such a thing. Instead he kissed me, soft and slow, no agenda, and I melted into it, wanting nothing more than to kiss him forever. I felt almost dizzy when he pulled away, his tongue giving a gentle flick to mine that made me jolt in surprise, my eyes wide.

“You tell me - was that good?” His whispered question danced across my skin, his eyes, dark in the dim light, adding to the intimacy of the moment. I nodded, still a little dazed from the kiss. His thumb traced my cheekbone and my head leaned into the caress. “Kissing’s one element of sex, an important one for me at least, and there are many others to explore. In a loving, intimate relationship, you do what you and your partner enjoy, what feels good. If your partner cares for you, loves you, they should always want to make you feel good. No one should ever be forced into doing anything that feels wrong, hurts them or makes them afraid. That’s not love.” He paused before continuing, his eyes downcast. I was mesmerised by the sweep of his eyelashes against his cheeks. “I was in a relationship once and, for the short time we were together, we cared for each other a great deal. It was good - nothing at all like the soulless things I have to do now to make money. What I do is a transaction; while I’m with them I completely switch off. It’s like I go numb inside.”

His low, husky voice bared the rawness of his soul, holding me in thrall. His gaze dropped to my lips for a moment before sliding back up to look at me, something akin to wonder in his eyes. I nuzzled my face into the warm hand now cupping my cheek. “Edward, until I met you, I didn’t know just how much I had missed being kissed. It’s something I’d never do with a client, not that they ask. Kissing is special and it’s the most wonderful feeling in the world when you kiss me back. I always want you to feel safe and cared for with me, because… I’m completely in love with you.”

His words swirled and spun like snowflakes in my head, my mind useless as an old flickering television set with a broken antenna.

I couldn’t breathe. He loves me. He really loves me. I had known it, but the words… the words were something neither of us had yet articulated.

Jasper was watching me for my reaction, his face so open that I felt pain lance my heart from the strength of his feelings. Something inside me slotted into place.

“Jasper…” My breathing erratic, unable to look anywhere but at him, I felt my eyes sting. He saw my struggle and didn’t pull away. A scalding tear ran down into my ear before I found the words to make sense of my feelings. “I love you too, so much, and one day, when I’m ready… I want to show you... properly.”

He nodded, mute, perhaps understanding that I had no idea when that day might be, but that letting him seeing me naked that night had moved us a step closer.

“Love, nothing happens until you want it to. I promise I will never rush you or touch you anywhere that makes you uncomfortable, and you can ask me anything you want in the meantime if it sets your mind at ease. I know there are things you may never want to do, and I understand that. You’re such a huge part of me now and all I want to do is make you happy.” His nose nudged mine before he dipped his head to kiss me again.

My hand slid around to the back of his head, playing with his curls, feeling his warm lips move with mine, nudging my mouth open enough to allow his tongue to stroke my own, gentle flicks that made my heart race and my blood pound in my ears. My skin tingled, goosebumps flaring that for once had nothing to do with the temperature of the room. My body felt itchy and hot on the inside, Jasper’s talented kiss awakening something I hadn’t even known lay dormant. I was too innocent then to recognise it as sexual desire, having only ever associated sex with fear and pain. All I knew was that I wanted to be touching Jasper, holding him, kissing him, whenever I could.

We lay kissing for the longest time, unable to get enough, Jasper refusing to rest until he was exhausted, his chest noisy, lips swollen by the countless kisses we had shared. It was with great reluctance that I persuaded him to turn over and get comfortable, my body settling in behind him, never wanting to be far away, a moth to his bright flame.

~o.O.o~

I woke the next morning to find Jasper tired, weak and in pain from being outside in the icy cold the day before with his poor chest all but exposed to the elements. He had little appetite, although I persuaded him to eat a little cereal and milk which was easier for him to swallow. I had no shifts booked with Tanya, and so I stayed home until it was time to go to the market, keeping him warm and hydrated, but mostly to keep him company. The meds were making it a little harder for him to sleep more than a few hours at night, and so whereas he used to nap when he first became ill, now he was awake and struggling. The books were a great help, but company was better.

I made up stories to keep him entertained, stories of us and how our lives would be one day when we were rich and living in an amazing apartment with every luxury a person could want. I told fanciful tales of faraway lands we would visit and, together in our bed, we made plans to travel the world. With my fingers running repeatedly through his hair, he fell into a light sleep, lulled by the hypnotic motion, and I held him to me, lying awake and listening to him breathe.

I decided that if he wasn’t getting better again in the next couple of days, I would call the doctor for more meds. The clinic number was on the label, and I could go there after I had walked Jupiter unless they wanted to see Jasper, in which case I’d get him there somehow.

The rest of the day was uneventful, and when the rain started to fall we were grateful to be inside and together. I got wet through getting to the market, and having to spend my shift in a constant draught wearing wet clothes was a recipe for disaster. I just had to hope that my immune system was strong enough to cope. That evening I made my way home, wet and miserable, looking forward to the following day and our hot meal from the soup kitchen.

I stripped off my wet coat and jeans, arranging them over the back of the chair before switching on the heater. I wrapped myself up in a big sweater and Jasper’s second pair of jeans and made a start on supper. I made a simple meal of vegetables with a small tin of Spam between us, and in no time we were eating, listening to the relentless rain lash against the window. The phone rang and, startled, I almost spilled my overfull mug of coffee. 

When I answered, it wasn’t who I was expecting.

“Edward? Hello, it’s Esme. I hope I’m not disturbing you.”

I smiled. “Hi. No, of course not. Is something wrong?” Please don’t tell me Tanya is letting me go.

I heard her intake of breath and realised she sounded a little unsure of herself.

“Well, as you know its soup kitchen day tomorrow, and, well, the weather is going to stay like this for the next few days. You’re going to get soaked to the skin trying to get your food home. I don’t want to impose and of course you can say no, but I was wondering if you’d be willing to let me bring your food to you? At least that way it will still be hot for you both. I have my car and it would only take me a few minutes.”

Her words had tumbled out so fast that, when they stopped, the silence was tangible. I held the phone to my leg and spoke to Jasper, telling him the suggestion.

“It’s your choice, love, not just mine. Would you be okay with Esme coming here?”

He frowned, his eyes flicking around the room, and I understood his concern. It would mean showing someone how we lived, and showing was a lot different to telling. Our room was clean, but sparse, cold and hardly the most inviting environment for guests. Jasper was proud, not wanting pity or charity, and I wouldn’t want to make him uncomfortable in his own home. He had only come around to the idea of us asking for free meals out of necessity. He was gnawing the edge of his lip, an inner battle raging. Meeting my eyes, he acquiesced, nodding his agreement.

“Tell her thank you, we appreciate it. And I’d love to meet her.”

I felt my face light up then. No matter the circumstances, it would be good to have them meet and put faces to names. Each had heard so much about the other over the past weeks.

“Hi Esme? That’s so kind of you. If you’re sure, that would be wonderful. Jasper’s looking forward to meeting you.”

I heard her relieved sigh, a soft chuckle drifting down the line.

“Tell him ditto. So, if you tell me where you are, I’ll bring lunch to you.”

I rattled off our address, explaining which room we were in, and to ring if she had any problems. With that, we ended the call and Jasper and I looked at each other in silence. It was me that broke it in the end.

“I would have loved for you two to meet at the kitchen, neutral territory if you like, just in case you don’t take to her. Don’t worry - I’ll make sure we’re tidy and my clothes are put away at least. I want to make a good impression.”

Jasper’s apprehensive shrug had me on edge. I sat down, waiting for him to verbalise what was on his mind. He picked at the blanket before smoothing it out again, his brow furrowed, eyes so desolate that I wanted to call Esme back and say no, I’d come and fetch the food like always. I didn’t want to see that look in his eyes and know I had ever made him unhappy or ashamed.

“I’d never had a visitor before I brought you here. I was a bit embarrassed back then about showing this place to you. I guess people will always form opinions about us, judge us about how we live.”  His whispered confession hurt my heart. “I know we don’t have much, but it’s ours. It’s dry and safe. Most importantly, we have each other. Your Esme will see that, wont she? I think she will, at least from what you’ve told me about her and the things she’s helped us with.”

I nodded, a huge lump in my throat at his desperate tone. I did my best to reassure him.

“She will, she absolutely will. She knows all about us and she wants to help us get back onto our feet. She won’t judge. I think she might worry about us – I see her face sometimes when she thinks I’m not looking and she looks so sad. She just wants good things for us. She’s lovely and she cares. How many people can we say that about?”

He nodded, his lips white. I had had no idea how scared he was at the thought of someone seeing our life.

“Jas, I never told you this, but when you brought me here that day, I was scared. No one had ever been kind to me and I didn’t trust it. I didn’t know you, but you had someplace warm to go and I was so hungry that I was willing to risk it. I remember how my stomach had gnawed at me. If you hadn’t brought me here I don’t know what would’ve happened to me. I wasn’t doing so well on my own.”

The memory hurt. He looked at me then, distress etched on his face, his eyes huge in the gloomy darkness. I needed him to know this.

“You saved me. You gave me a home and a life, and hope. I’m not ashamed of how we live because we both know that the alternative is so much worse.”

He nodded. “I know. You’re right.” A wry chuckle brightened his face. “How did I manage before you came along? You make everything better.” A genuine smile lit his eyes and I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him in for a much needed kiss.

~o.O.o~

When I woke the next morning, I looked around the small room, taking it in, trying to see it as a stranger might. My clothes were drying still, my heavy coat still damp. There was nothing I could do about that. The floor was swept, the plates and mugs on their shelf. I looked at the water marks on the wall and knew that no amount of wiping was going to remove them. I drew the curtain around our bathing area, and set to making us coffee and breakfast. Rummaging through the bag from Tony, I pulled out a couple of bananas and sliced them on top of a cup of cereal and the last of the long-life milk. When the coffee was ready, I carried breakfast to bed and kissed Jasper awake, nudging his nose until he stirred.

His chest still sounded rough, but not as crackly as the day before, and I counted that as a blessing. He pushed himself up without pain and took his coffee, blowing on it, appearing deep in thought. He looked around the room in the dull morning light, coming to the same conclusion that I had.

“There’s really no way to pretty this place up, is there.” He sounded resigned to the fact. I took his coffee and set it down so he could eat.

“There’s not much we can do, no. I pulled the curtain around the bath, and I’ll wash up the breakfast things when we’re done, but that’s it.”

The warm air from the heater had long since dissipated, and there was a hint of vapour in the air when we spoke. It would be icy outside, the heavy rain likely to have frozen on the sidewalks overnight. It was hard to stay upright with empty hands, but I had to admit that balancing our lunch in my arms and negotiating slippery surfaces underfoot was not a thrilling idea. Hopefully, if he stayed inside until then, Jasper would be well enough to come with me next week and we could eat there.

We were both nervous, agitated, and unable to settle while we waited for Esme. In my heart I wasn’t worried about what she might think – she had a fair idea of how we lived already. It was reassuring Jasper that everything would be okay without having to say it. He was up and dressed, needing to make a good impression for his own sake. I understood that. I’d been there when I first went to the kitchen, and again at Happy Tails. This was the first time in a while that he had had someone to impress, and I could tell that it meant a great deal to him that this went well.

For the first time I could remember, I wished we had a radio in the room, something to cover up the anxious silence that enveloped us. It had never seemed so quiet. We both lay on the bed, Jasper trying to read. In the end he gave up, turning his book face down on his chest and reaching for my hand. I took it and rolled over, snuggling into him, the way we always had before he got sick. His fingers found my hair, carding through it in that way that made my whole body relax. I moaned, the sound muffled in his sweater, and felt him kiss my head. I wanted to arch against him like a cat, lost to pleasure. His fingers moved in a slow rhythm and my eyes drooped despite the sleep I’d had, my body curling up into a tight ball for warmth. I must have drifted into a light sleep because I woke to a gentle knocking at the door. Jasper stroked my cheek, and my eyes cracked open.

“Wake up, love. Esme’s here.”

“Oh! Okay.” I rubbed my eyes, and climbed off the bed, hearing Jasper’s feet hit the floor behind me. Crossing the few steps to the door, I unlocked it and pulled it open to reveal Esme, her hands full. Pushing the door wider, I took the plates from her and invited her in. I set them down by the hotplate and turned to make introductions. Esme closed the door and hovered, waiting. My smile came easily, just as it always did in her presence.

“Esme, this is my partner, Jasper. Jas, this is Esme, our guardian angel.”

Esme blushed to the roots of her hair.

“Oh hush, Edward.” She stepped into the room, and looked to Jasper, who still looked worried. “Jasper, it’s so very lovely to meet you. Edward talks about you all the time and, to be honest, I was a little nervous about meeting you.” Her smile did indeed look not unlike Jasper’s, anxious and trepidatious. She held out her hand and Jasper shook it, a genuine smile beginning to break across his face. His manners could always be relied upon.

“We have a lot to be grateful for, ma’am. I can’t thank you enough for sparing Edward from the rain today. He was soaked to the skin twice yesterday.” He looked ruefully at my coat, now hanging, still damp, on the back of the door.

“You boys should eat. It’s cheesy pasta bake with chopped frankfurters today. Cookies for dessert.”

The food smelled amazing and I forgot all about our surroundings. I beckoned Esme over to the chair, inviting her to sit. I unwrapped the piping hot food, and brought a plate to Jasper, folding a towel for a potholder so he didn’t burn his legs. I quickly ran some water into the pan and set it to boil for coffee before carrying my food over to sit with Jasper as we usually did. The pasta bake was something I’d never had before and it was delicious and filling. I could see that Jas was enjoying it, being a cheese lover, and for a few minutes we said nothing while we dug in. I kept an eye on the water, but noticed Esme doing the same and so I relaxed and ate. When I was halfway through, I set down my fork.

“This is so good. You won’t get into any trouble for bringing it to us, will you?” The last thing I wanted was for there to be any repercussions for her kindness.

She shook her head. “No, I told Matt that one of our regulars wasn’t able to come and it was imperative he got some food. He knows me well enough by now not to argue.” Her chuckle was a welcome sound.

“I don’t know why, but I expected Rosie to be with you. Thinking about it, of course she isn’t, with it being kitchen day. I guess I’m just used to seeing you both together.”

Her hands fluttered in the air. “If she knew where I was she would’ve wanted to come, no doubt about that. You’re her favourite playmate; she looks for you whenever we go past the market. I’ve started to notice that she takes me to where you eat your lunch in case you’re there. She’s too clever for her own good.”

I noticed that Jasper had stopped eating and was listening to us chat like the friends we were. Esme and I had only gotten to know each other in the first place because of the soup kitchen, and if Jasper had not have fallen ill, none of this would have happened. I realised that it must be strange for him to watch. I told him everything that happened each day when I came home, what Esme and I talked about and all the silly anecdotes I could to keep him up to date, but he must feel left out. I nudged his shoulder.

“Wait ‘til you meet her. You’ll love her. She’s a big cuddle bug.”

Esme watched us, a fond look on her face.

“Jasper – do you like dogs too?”

He set down his fork, swallowing his food before answering.

“Yes, ma’am, I do. I’d love to have a dog one day. I think Edward would too.” He nudged me back and I grinned.

“Yeah, I would. I adore Rosie, and Jupiter is so much fun. Plus it’s lovely to be outside and have people acknowledge me, like I’m someone. Having a dog seems to invite people in. It’s like you belong to a club or something.” I took a bite of my food and chewed slowly, making it last.

“I never thought about it like that.” Esme stood up and switched off the now bubbling water. “Rosie is my best friend and fabulous company. You can’t be lonely when you have a dog, and like you say, they make you socialise because they need to be walked. I wouldn’t be without her, that’s for sure.” She reached up and took down the mugs from the shelf. “I’m guessing you boys are having coffee?”

We both turned our heads at the same moment, surprised. It was Jas that spoke first.

“Uh… yes, ma’am, we are, but please - you needn’t do that.”

I swallowed my mouthful of pasta.

“It’s okay, Esme. I can make it. Would you like one?”

“That would be lovely, and I don’t mind making it at all.” She reached to the back of the small shelf and found a chipped cup, the partner to the one we used in the bath. Holding it up, she asked, “Is this okay?”

I nodded. “Of course. It’s the least we can do. We don’t have milk or sugar though, I’m afraid. We drink it black.”

“Sounds good to me.” She unscrewed the jar. “How much do you take? A spoonful?” Her hand hovered over the jar.

“Half a spoon each would be great, thanks.”

She made quick work of the drinks, bringing ours over to us and setting them down on the floor. It was a surreal image, seeing this lovely lady holding a chipped cup of coffee in our home, sitting on our only chair. She looked so out of place, yet seemed comfortable enough. She hadn’t made her excuses and left our cold little room at the earliest opportunity at least.

The only sounds for a few moments were the scraping of plates, not a scrap of food left. I gathered them and the cutlery, and took them to the sink to wash them using the rest of the hot water. Esme would take them back with her.

“Well that’s a nice sight – two empty plates!” She sipped her coffee with a grin. “Don’t forget your cookies. Made them myself so I know they’re good!”

“Do you make the cakes too?” Jasper’s curiosity came to the fore. “I hadn’t had cake before Edward started going to the kitchen. I’m definitely a fan.”

She laughed, Jasper’s question taking her by surprise.

“I do make some of them, yes. May I ask which ones you like the best? I do like positive feedback.” Her head was tilted on the side and she looked positively mischievous.

Jasper thought for a moment. “There was one that had cream and jelly in the middle… that one was good.” I was trying to hold my laughter in check because Jasper had waxed lyrical about that cake. “The chocolate one with cream in was pretty good too, well they all are. I’m not fussy.”   

I rummaged in the bag for what turned out to be a chocolate chip cookie. I handed the other to Jasper who brightened at the sight. Over the top of my steaming mug, I sneaked a look at Esme to see her response.

“Well, Jasper, if the one you’re referring to was a sponge cake with cream and raspberry jelly in, then yes – I did make that one. And thankyou – it is lovely to have your food appreciated. I’ll have to make it more often.”

Jas’ face lit up and I knew that he was won over by her easy going nature. Esme sipped her coffee and I could tell see had something on her mind, her finger tapping the rim of the cup. I waited. She shuffled on her seat, seeming to pluck up the courage.

“I hope this isn’t too forward, but I really wanted to ask if you’d both come to my house for dinner with me and Rosie on Christmas Eve. It’s always just the two of us and it would be so lovely to have company for once. I know Rosie would love it too. It would give me an excuse to decorate for Christmas and cook a nice meal – I don’t tend to bother when it’s just me, what with helping out with cooking dinner at the shelter on Christmas Day. What do you say?”

She bit her lip, looking from me to Jasper, seeming anxious that her invitation would be declined. Having learned more about her past, I could see that this was a big deal for her. Her cheeks were a delicate pink, her eyebrows raised above wide eyes. Jasper cleared his throat and sipped his coffee.

“Is there anything we can bring? I wouldn’t want to come empty handed.”

Esme’s face glowed and I fought the urge to pull Jasper into a hug. “Honestly, no, there’s nothing I need apart from the two of you. I’ll provide the food if you provide the company and conversation. I dare say that you could walk Rosie for me while I’m preparing the food. That would be really helpful, and stop her trying to steal anything within reach!”

She chuckled which set me off too, imagining Rosie helping herself behind Esme’s back.

“Thank you, Esme. We’d love to spend the evening with you. It’s so kind of you to offer.”

Her head tilted when she smiled.

“Are you working Christmas Eve, Edward?”

I nodded.

“I have my shift at the market – according to the vendors, we’ll be closing a bit earlier that day so I should be home in good time for us to come to you.”

She set down her empty cup by the sink. “I was thinking that I could come and collect you both. That way you won’t have to make the long walk in the cold. Especially you, Jasper, while you’re healing. I can bring you home after, or… or if you’d like to you can stay over and go home after Christmas lunch at the kitchen. I have a spare room that hasn’t been used in forever. I warn you though – you’d have to let Rosie in to say goodnight or she’ll whine outside the door. She hates being locked out.” She smoothed down her hair, a sign of nervousness if I was reading her right. “Of course, if you decide you’d rather come home after dinner then I will of course respect your decision. Anyway, you let me know.” She checked her watch. “I’ve taken up enough of your time. I should get back.”

I jumped up and gave her a hug. “Thank you so much for coming, and bringing the food of course. It means a lot to us. I’ll see you at the market during the week, most likely. Give Rosie an ear rub for me.”

She hugged me back, how I imagined a mother would if I had had one. Her smile was so warm that you couldn’t fail to return it. She rubbed my shoulders before letting me go.

“Let me know what time I can come pick you up. It might well be snowing by then, so the lift is non-negotiable.” She gave us both a fake stern look, one eyebrow raised, before collecting the clean plates, her face breaking into a radiant smile. “Thank you for the coffee and the hospitality. So lovely to finally meet you, Jasper. Edward has told me so many lovely things about you that I can see are all true. Take care of each other and I’ll speak to you soon.”

With a small wave, she opened the door, a rush of cold air blasting into the room, dispelling the warmth that Esme’s company that provided. The door closed behind her with a rattle. Jasper spoke.

“Is she for real? I didn’t know there were people like her in the world.”

I pulled him close, wrapping an arm around him. It was so cold already and still early. I was impressed that Esme hadn’t commented on it or our room; she had managed to win Jasper’s friendship and respect, and I was thrilled.

“She’s special, that’s for certain. Thank you for accepting her invitation – think how wonderful it will be to have a home cooked meal with friends, and a warm room for a night. She doesn’t judge us, she just wants to offer a little support where she can. I think we’re going to have a wonderful Christmas.”

“I didn’t know what to expect to be honest, but everything you said about her was true. I don’t know how I feel about staying over with someone I hardly know, but I trust your judgement. After all, like you said, you trusted me when you didn’t know me, and this place isn’t exactly warm and inviting, especially for our first Christmas together.” His downcast expression twisted my insides. I hated him feeling that way, feeling beaten down by circumstance. “Just my luck that I couldn’t be a high class escort and get to sleep in fancy hotels all the time.” He looked at me then, his fingers tracing my jawline, his gaze holding me hostage. “Then again, if life had gone that way I wouldn’t have you in it, so that means I got the better deal after all.”

Hypnotised by the soft drawl of his voice, I leaned in and kissed him, thanking whatever lucky star had brought him to me. I would never stop sending thanks for him. The kiss lingered, my blood humming in my veins. Pulling away was sweet pain and I softened the ache by telling him my idea.

“Love, I had a small Christmas surprise planned for us, but when you got sick I ditched it. Now that you’re getting better, would you like to go for a little walk, take a look at all the Christmas lights, and maybe even stop off for a slice of pizza? I have enough money for us to catch a bus back home after we eat so you don’t overdo it. I had originally planned to take you to the tree lighting ceremony on the Mile, but we could still go for a walk at least, get us into the spirit.” I bit my lip, not sure if it was something he would be interested in.

“I’ve never done that.” He looked surprised, but keen, and a little kiss-drunk. “I’d love to. I get to see Christmas through your eyes.” His fingers interlaced with mine and I felt my soul sing. “If it’s not raining, let’s go the evening before Christmas Eve and make an occasion of it. No cooking for once either!” He grinned, pulling me in for another kiss that I returned with my whole heart.

~o.O.o~